Oh, hi Texas. Did you finally decide to come back after trying to run away from your 49 brothers and sisters? Mom and Dad told you never to cross the Gulf of Mexico, so you just walked around the perimeter of the state with a hobo stick on your shoulder until you got hungry and decided to come back home, right? We all knew you wouldn't secede.
What's that? You'll stay on one condition? Alright, tell us what it is…
We, the Citizens of the Great State of Texas, and Dallas Cowboys fans worldwide, have been oppressed by an over controlling, delusional, oppressive dictator for way too long. Request the Executive Branch’s immediate assistance in removal of owner and GM, Jerry Jones. His incompetence and ego have not only been an extreme disappointment for way too long, but moreover, it has caused extreme mental and emotional duress.
Another money-hungry windbag is trying to exert control over "America's team" even though he has become highly unpopular? Move over, Grover Norquist.
Photo by Streeter Lecka/Staff/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Cuba, Guantanamo Bay, Sports, Texas