• Hillary Clinton Pimps Out Bill

    Hillary Clinton is sitting on a bed in a dilapidated room wearing a wife-beater and holding her head in her hands. A broken Venetian blind lets in a spray of neon light from the street outside. Bill Clinton comes in and sits next to her, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

    Hillary: Times are tough, baby. Real tough. I don't know what I'm gonna to do anymore. I got all that failed 2008 Presidential bid debt draggin' me down and I'm too tired to keep carryin' it around.

    Bill: I know, Hill. I want to help, I just don't know how.

    Hillary: I have an idea, but I can't begin to know how to ask you. I'm going to need you to… Well, spend time with some people and charge them money for it.

    Hillary clenches her fists and looks up at the sky silently begging for strength, Bill looks down at the floor, accepting his fate.

    Hillary (cont.): It'll only be temporary, I promise. And as the nation's top diplomat, I'll do everything I can to make sure you're safe. I'll always take care of you, baby. You know how much I love you.

    Bill: I know. I love you too, and you know I'd do anything for you, Hill. Anything. Lord knows I owe you after everything you've done. Takin' me in off the streets of Harlem, forgivin' me for that one or so transgression. You're my world, Hill. Who knows, maybe I'll even learn to like it.

    Hillary: Bill, you're a good ho. Always have been. Once we get past this I'm gonna make you a respectable lady and we'll live in one of those big, white houses in Washington, D.C. again.

    Bill lays his head in Hillary's lap, imagining that glorious day.

    Or, in other words

    In an email to supporters Wednesday, Bill Clinton offered a chance to spend a day with him if donors chipped in to drive down his wife’s campaign debt before Dec. 6.

    "There is nothing I enjoy more than good conversation with good people, which is why I’ve enjoyed it so much whenever we’ve brought one of Hillary’s strongest supporters to New York to spend the day with me — and I’m happy to tell you that I’ve asked to do it again," the email said.

    Photo by Paul J. Richards/AFP/Getty Images


    Tags: Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton

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