Few things are more painful than losing a hard-fought political campaign. Just about the only salve that can soothe the anguish — besides counting down the days to the 2016 Iowa Caucus — is the company of like-minded Americans who share your frustration at the Sharia socialist policies of the current president.
But what if you live in San Francisco or Cambridge or in some hippy-dippy Vermont township where rural white people refuse to vote the way Saint Ronnie Reagan ordained that rural white people vote? It may be time to move to friendlier environs. To help you with your real-estate decisions, here's some info about the five most Republican-leaning counties in America, as illuminated by the results of the 2012 election.
5. King County, Texas: Most Republican County in the USA
This Election Day, five residents of King County cast their ballots for Barack Obama. Not five voters in one precinct. Five in the whole county. With 913 square miles of real estate, that's a ratio of only one Democrat per 182 square miles. I know that still sounds like there's a liberal breathing down your neck no matter where you go, but if we consider the possibility that these five Obama voters are all members of one or two households, you've got a whole lot of hippie-free territory to roam.
4. Madison County, Idaho: Most Republican County with 30,000+ population
King, Texas may be blessedly liberal-free, but its county seat is named Guthrie, which sounds suspiciously like Woody Guthrie (though actually named after cattle magnate W.H. Guthrie). If that association is too pinko for you, consider Madison, Idaho, a county where Mitt Romney out-polled Obama 13,445 to 832. Highly Mormon, the county seat of Rexberg is home to BYU-Idaho, a school for people who wanted to go to the real Brigham Young University, but didn't want to be sullied by Utah's liberalism.
3. Moro Plantation, Maine: Most Republican Precinct in New England
Technically, Moro is a part of Aroostook County, which produced a narrow majority for Obama (you'll have to go to Piscataquis County to find a full-fledged Maine county that voted for Romney). But Moro itself recorded 21 votes for Romney, only 1 for Obama. If you've always dreamed of saying you live on a plantation, but can't stand South Carolina summers, Moro Plt. may be just the place for you.
2. Blount County, Alabama: Most Republican County with 50,000+ population
Have you ever thought to yourself: I want to live in a place where the locals vote based on a highly polarized sense of racial identity — the way people do in the Black Belt that stretches across the Old Confederacy — but I don't want to be near actual black people? Hopefully not. But if the thought has crossed your mind, Blount County, Alabama, with a 95% white population and home of an 86.5% showing for Romney, may just be the ticket.
1. Montgomery County, Texas: Most Republican County People Actually Want to Live In (pop. 450,000+)
Part of the greater Houston area, Montgomery was the 24th fastest-growing county in the U.S. from 2000 to 2010 and gave 79.7% of its vote to Romney. If your dream of conservative paradise involves a wealthy, master-planned community where the dictates of elected government are replaced by the dictates of deed restrictions and nosy neighborhood associations, consider taking your talents to The Woodlands, Montgomery's major population center.
Stay tuned next week for a look at the best counties for liberal Democrats.
Photos by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images, Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images, Scott Eells/Bloomberg/Getty Images, John Blanding/The Boston Globe/Getty Images, Carol M. Highsmith/Buyenlarge/Getty Images and Johnny Hanson/Bloomberg/Getty Images
Tags: Alabama, Conservatives, Idaho, Maine, Texas