The Mayan apocalypse is neither Mayan nor an apocalypse, but the world has been preparing by:
1. Building an ark. A Dutchmen named Pieter Frank van der Meer has purchased a $17,000 enclosed lifeboat and installed a toilet, a sink and a child's car seat in preparation for the floods he expects to accompany doomsday. Can't he just put his finger in the dike?
2. Building a bigger ark. Lu Zhenhai, from landlocked western China, has dedicated his life savings to building a 21-meter-long monument to human irrationality.
3. Closing schools. More than 30 Michigan schools closed due to violent threats made in relation to the Mayan "prediction," because people can be terrible.
4. Dressing up in Star Wars regalia. But people can also be awesome! See, for example, members of the Ukrainian Internet Party, who dressed up in their traditional Star Wars costumes and distributed canned foods, matches, condoms, toilet paper, soap, lightbulbs and tickets for their spacecraft evacuation. Though at least one of those items is unnecessary if the goal is to repopulate a post-apocalyptic world.
5. Being unimpressed with panicky white people. Actual ethnic Mayans are having none of it. "It's a date for doing business, but for me it's just like any other day," Julian Nohuicab told Reuters.
6. Running fun ads. Microsoft poked fun of itself by saying that the apocalypse is here because Internet Explorer 10 doesn't suck so hard.
7. Issuing official denials. USA.gov and NASA have both issued official statements proclaiming that life will go on.
8. Engaging in government trolling. "Whether the final blow comes from flesh-eating zombies, demonic hell-beasts or the total triumph of K-Pop, if you know one thing about me, it is this: I will always fight for you to the very end," said Prime Minister Julia Gillard said in a message to her "dear remaining fellow Australians."
9. Looking for love at the end of the world. "It's like New Year's. I want to go out on a wild note!" some lady who wanted her name in the paper told the NY Post.
Photo by Sergei Supinsky/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Australia, China, Conspiracies, Mexico, NASA, Star Wars, Ukraine