• Miss U Already: Scott Brown

    scott brown

    In which we take a look back at the departing federal lawmakers we'll miss most in 2013.

    Name: Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA)

    Age: 53

    Terms: 1

    Leaving Congress Because: Defeated; too sexy?

    Best Known For: This, a thousand times, this. But also a tasteless joke about a curling iron and Martha Coakley's butt.

    Memorable Quote: "Each and every day that I've been a United States senator, I've been either discussing issues, meeting on issues, and secret meetings with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders."

    Greatest Accomplishment: Teaching us that the tomahawk chop is even more offensive outside a baseball stadium than inside one.

    Why We'll Miss Him: Who else is going to pose for tasteful full-frontals on the Senate floor?

    What He's Doing Next: Whispering "John Kerry for Secretary of State" into a severed pig ear, burying the pig ear, digging up the pig ear as soon as he sees a shooting star, then stringing the pig ear around a pigeon's neck. Wherever the pigeon lands, Brown will call the White House from his cellphone, saying "John Kerry" over and over again until President Obama hangs up. He will do this every day.

    What the Future Holds for Him: Riding his pickup truck through the doors of his new Senate home when he takes over for Secretary of State Kerry. Realizes there is no such thing as a Senate home (when they're in D.C. they live in apartments, where they can do whatever without their wives knowing). Backs up slowly, and returns to one of his six houses.

    Previously
    Miss U Already: Ron Paul

    Photo by Suzanne Kreiter/Boston Globe/Getty Images


    Tags: John Kerry, Massachusetts, Republicans, Scott Brown, Senate

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