• 2012: The Exit Interview

    Hello and welcome to our very last post of 2012. Thanks for reading, commenting, following us on Twitter, liking us on Facebook and following us on Tumblr. What better way to review the year that's almost past than with an exclusive interview?

    Indecision: Hi, 2012. Thanks for talking with us.

    2012: [stares, dazedly]

    Indecision: It's okay. You've been through a lot.

    2012: I'm so tired. I'm just so tired.

    Indecision: I know. We all are.

    2012: What even happened?

    Indecision: That's what I was going to ask you.

    2012: Lady, I wish I knew. There's so much I don't remember. I don't remember saying goodbye to Elevensy, and he was such a sweetheart. I know there was a lot of yelling as soon as he left.

    Indecision: Sure. The GOP primary.

    2012: Just yelling, confusion, stupid things. It wore me down. I couldn't cope. I found myself taking a few swigs of whiskey just to sleep at night.

    Indecision: Oh no.

    2012: Yeah. I'm not proud of that. Wait, there was a guy- sweater vests. Was there a guy in a sweater vest, or did I dream that?

    Indecision: That was real. That was Rick Santorum.

    2012: Oh my God.

    Indecision: He dropped out in April.

    2012: Because it got too warm for sweater vests?

    Indecision: Sure, probably.

    2012: What else was there? I'm trying to think.

    Indecision: There was, let's see here. A dog registered to vote. Rand Paul suffered a harrowing ordeal in an airport. Rick Santorum wanted to make Teleprompters illegal. We all enjoyed Chuck Grassley's Twitter.

    2012: Twitter. There was so much Twitter.

    Indecision: So much Twitter. We discovered that conservative hashtag games are ruining Twitter. Then we discovered that liberal hashtag games are also ruining Twitter. And just a few weeks ago we found out that Mitt Romney is president of Twitter, but Paul Ryan is king of Google.

    2012: Paul Ryan! I remember that name!

    Indecision: Indeed. Paul Ryan was a very important figure in the last- in you.

    2012: He's the handsome one, right? Or is that Tagg?

    Indecision: Yes. Well, no, Josh is the handsome one, if you're talking about the Romney sons. Many people thought Paul Ryan was also handsome, because of his piercing blue eyes and P90X-chiseled physique.

    2012: There was a book. A sexy book.

    Indecision: Yes. Fifty Shades of Grey. In fact, we discovered some lost passages written by Newt Gingrich.

    2012: And the gays. Something about the gays?

    Indecision: Right. The marriage equality fight heated up when Joe Biden changed President Obama's position for him, and then several states voted on marriage measures this fall, and they won.

    2012: I hope Thirteeny knows how many extra Cuisinarts he's going to have to buy.

    Indecision: I think a lot.

    2012: Mazel tov.

    Indecision: Are you Jewish?

    2012: No! I mean- it's just a saying.

    Indecision: Okay. Where were we? Oh, the Republican National Convention, in Tampa. The highlight of that was Clint Eastwood yelling at an empty chair.

    2012: Come on. I'm exhausted and hungover, I'm not stupid.

    Indecision: I swear, it really happened. Then, of course, there was the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte. The president's speech was fine, but required a lot of fact-checking. When it was all over, everyone wondered why we need political conventions.

    2012: It's coming back to me now. After that there were debates. Big Bird.

    Indecision: Big Bird and binders full of women and horses and bayonets.

    2012: And then you went with the same guy you had in the first place.

    Indecision: President Obama was re-elected, yes.

    2012: So I went through all that for nothing, basically.

    Indecision: No, Twelvey. The political process is an important part of our-

    2012: You know what? I'm done. I'm out of here.

    Indecision: Wait! Don't go yet. I want to ask you some questions. Are we finally going to have a conversation about guns? Have we seen the last of Ron Paul? Will Hillary run?

    2012: So sleepy… so…

    Indecision: Come back!

    2012:  Don't worry, Thirteeny's on his way, I think you'll like him. He's very chill. Just don't tell him what happened to me, okay? I don't want him to be scared. Good night. Good luck.

    2011: The Exit Interview

    Photo by Henglein & Steets/Cultura/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Hillary Clinton, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Paul Ryan, Primaries, Rand Paul, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Sex, Twitter


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