And on the day after the Super Bowl, God looked down on a bleary-eyed America and said, I need someone to re-watch that Paul Harvey-exploiting Dodge Ram commercial and explain it to the overwhelming majority of Americans who can't tell a farm from FarmVille. So God made a blogger.
"God said I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, milk the cows, work all day in the field, milk cows again, eat supper then go to town and stay past midnight at a meeting of the school board — so God made a farmer."
Apparently Real America's school board meetings stay open later than some bars. Learn something new every day.
"God said I need somebody willing to sit up all night with and newborn colt, and watch it die, then dry his eyes and say maybe next year. I need somebody who can shape an axe handle from a persimmon sprout, shoe a horse with a hunk of car tire, who can make a harness out of hay wire, feed sacks and shoe straps, who at planting time and harvest season will finish his forty hour week by Tuesday noon and then, paining from tractor back, will put in another 72 hours — so God made a farmer."
Here's where a normal car commercial would be filled with LOUD NOISES and bracing visuals of a tank-sized truck towing another truck away from the edge of a cliff. The Dodge ad is a bit more subtle, if confusing–we know what it means when a truck gets towed away from the edge of a cliff, but what the hell does a persimmon sprout look like? On the other hand, there's a nice, clear underlying message: "Buy a Dodge Ram or this newborn colt gets it."
"God said I need somebody strong enough to clear trees and heave bales, yet gentle enough to wean lambs and pigs and tend to pink combed pullets; who will stop his mower for an hour to splint the broken leg of a meadowlark. So God made a farmer. It had to be somebody who'd plow deep and straight and not cut corners; somebody to seed, weed, feed, breed, and rake and disk and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and replenish the self-feeder and a hard week's work with a five-mile drive to church."
"Then Americans got tired of doing these things, so God created the migrant farm worker," the ad failed to say. Harvey wasn't upfront about other aspects of farm life either. He forgot the part of the day where the farmer cashes his Milk Income Loss Program subsidy check.
"Somebody who would bale a family together with the soft, strong bonds of sharing; who would laugh and then sigh, and then reply with smiling eyes when his son says he want to spend his life doing what dad does – So God made a farmer."
By "the soft, strong bonds of sharing," they mean, "please tweet about this."
"To the farmer in all of us," ends the commercial, which only featured white people, because during Super Bowl commercial time there is no such thing as a Latino farm-worker.
Anyway, thanks, Dodge, but no thanks. Farming sounds painful.
Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Tags: Advertising, Agriculture, Cars & Vehicles, Super Bowl