How to Celebrate Ronald Reagan's Birthday

It's the 102nd birthday of American saint Ronald Reagan, and while few of us can compare to the Great Communicator, there are still plenty of Reaganesque ways to celebrate this special day.

* Locate unsightly fencing in your neighborhood. Attend a meeting of the zoning board and tell them to tear down this wall.

* Find an air traffic controller. Tell him he's fired.

* Inform the air traffic controller you can't really fire him. Hand him a Jelly Belly.

* Play a Bruce Springsteen song at your Reagan birthday party. Tell guests the lyrics are about greedy workers and under-appreciated capitalists. Yeah, sure, "Tunnel of Love" is fine.

* During the party's cocktail hour, recall scenes from your favorite movies as if they were episodes from your own life.

* Makes guests watch The Day the Earth Stood Still. Discuss what would happen if the earth faced an invasion by extraterrestrials.

* Reserve the cake for yourself and two other guests. Tell the rest of the party that some pieces will trickle down.

* Tell Congress to pass an immigration reform bill.

* Prank the Kremlin. Tell them the bombing begins in 15 minutes.

* Sell your gun collection to Iran. Send the money you earned to the South American paramilitary group of your choice.

Previously
Chicago to Demolish Ronald Reagan's Home

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