Someone forgot to tell the Illinois General Assembly the real meaning of Valentine's Day: spending too much money at the behest of the faux-emotion industry, gnawing on chocolate and whittling away at single people's self-esteems.
Instead of doing any of those things, the Illinois State Senate passed a marriage equality bill with 34 in favor, 21 opposed and 2 present. How dare they do something so meaningful? It's like no one respects the commercialism of the holiday any more!
The debate was dominated by questions about protections for religious institutions, because the sanctity of old codgers whining about the fabric of society is still very much secure. In the end, however, a majority of Illinois state senators decided that if you can't trust fabric to the gays, you can't trust anyone. The bill now moves to the Illinois House, which is expected to pass the measure, right after it polishes off this box of Russell Stovers.
Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Illinois, LGBT, Marriage, Marriage Equality, Valentine's Day