In a definitive sign that Herman Cain's presidential bid was 100% successful, Fox News has hired the former candidate and Godfather's Pizza CEO as a paid contributor, just weeks after dropping Sarah Palin. Nearly every Fox show could benefit from Cain's political and business insight:
The Five: A show whose hosts claim algebra is a conspiracy cooked up by Pol Pot could use the mathematical acumen of a pizza salesman. Unfortunately, Cain will not appear on this show until it's renamed "The Nine."
FOX & Friends: Can Herman Cain chuckle lightheartedly about how the commander-in-chief is a secret Muslim? Perfect.
Your World w/ Neil Cavuto: As the focus turns to business news, Cain will deliver a fresh perspective on the stock market in 30 minutes or less, or Fox gets its money back.
FOX Report w/ Shepard Smith: "FOX Report" goes through the day's top stories at the "speed of live," but Cain will speed that up to the "velocity of a Godfather's pizza in college kid's gut."
Lou Dobbs Tonight: These two agree — we should not be outsourcing jobs to Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan.
Previously: 5 Funniest Presidential Ads of 2012 [VIDEO]
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Tags: Fox News, Herman Cain, Media, Sarah Palin