• Special Agent Johnson Will Sext You Now

    According to internal reports, the FBI has been competing with the Secret Service for title of most embarrassing law enforcement agency.

    The reports catalog all sorts of naughty behavior: nude photos sent to coworkers, bugging the boss's office, dating a known drug dealer and a "lot of sexting" on government-issued BlackBerries.

    Alas, we will never know the content of these sexy sexts, because of silly "privacy regulations." It's safe to assume they probably went something like this:

    * Agent JOHNSON can't wait to interrogate you… if you know what I mean.

    * Baby, I've got a warrant to tap that all night long.

    * Like the look of my Glock? [.jpeg attached]

    * You have the right to remain HORNY.

    * Let's put the F back in FBI.

    * No, don't worry. I've got the handcuffs.

    Then again, the agents who got caught sexting were just suspended, not fired, so maybe their messages were dull after all.

    DEA and Secret Service Set Sexy New Standard in Cooperation

    Photo by Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images

    Tags: FBI, Sex


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