Shotgun Joe Biden Got Some Advice for You

Dear America, whether it's a question about sex, guns or the real-estate market, Joe Biden has the answer you need.

Dear Mr. Vice President, 
I feel like my teenage sister is making a big mistake. For the past six months she's been dating a guy I like to call Douchey McGee. He doesn't return her calls, then comes over uninvited. I've told her to break it off, but she won't listen. Is it my place to do anything? – Dan in California

Dear Dan,
You have one job: Keep boys away from your sister. – Joe Biden PS. If you need any help on your pecs, man, give me a call.

Dear Joe,
Thanks for the advice! But working out is boring, so I bought an AR-15. Not only will this keep creeps away from my sister, my dad says it's a good thing to have handy for when you and the president start forcing us to buy health insurance. – Dan in California

Woah there Dan,
You know, my shotgun will do better for you than your AR-15, because you want to keep someone away from your house, just fire the shotgun through the door. – Joe Biden

Dear Mr. Vice President,
I'm a 24-year-old woman dating an older man. He's kind and loving, but recently we've been having trouble in the bedroom. How can I approach him about his impotency issues without ruining our relationship? - Between a Rock and an Unhard Place

Dear BARAAUP,
No dates until you're 30. – Joe Biden

Dear Vice President Biden,
My husband and I are thinking of buying a home, but everything in our price range looks like it was built for dwarves or Europeans. Is it possible to raise a happy family in cramped quarters? - Sulking in Seattle

Dear SIS,
Growing up in a small house was wonderful for children. By the way — having your grandpop living with you, having your great aunt, your uncle, for real. Those walls were awful thin. I wonder how the hell my parents did it. But that's a different story. I know you don't know anything about that. – Joe Biden