• Why Gene Sperling Is Bob Woodward's Worst Nightmare

    After Bob Woodward revealed that a White House official told him he would "regret" saying Barack Obama is negotiating the sequester in bad faith, the internet rage-o-sphere demanded to know the identity of this goon and the nature of his threat.

    Now we know: the thug in question is Director of the National Economic Council Gene Sperling, and his vicious email to Woodward begins: "I apologize for raising my voice in our conversation today."

    If that doesn't make your blood run cold, this will: "I know you may not believe this, but as a friend, I think you will regret staking out that claim." Ooooh. That sounds like… a warning that a journalist may be getting the story wrong, not a threat. Then again, this Gene Sperling is a very intimidating character:

    Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Gene Sperling knows 89 ways to kill a man. Method #1: Karate chop. Method #2: Bore to death with economic statistics.

    Roger L. Wollenberg-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Sperling once told a staffer, "You'll regret not getting the burger." She still cries herself to sleep.

    Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg/Getty Images

    To eliminate his most hated rivals, Sperling summons Zooey Deschanel, who adorkables them to death.

    Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

    Contrary to popular belief, Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever," refers to the time and place in which Sperling destroys his enemies.

    You can see why Woodward would be shaking in his loafers.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bob Woodward, Gene Sperling, Media, Sequester


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.