• Glenn Beck Does the Glenn Beckiest Thing Ever

    If you have never seen Glenn Beck in action, he's done you the favor of creating a segment that captures his je ne sais crazy so perfectly that you need never watch another episode again.

    There are tears. An imaginary Lady Liberty. And: mouth to mouth with an American flag.

    It begins with a ho-hum story about gun control legislation in Colorado. But wait! Those gun control proposals have shot America! Her color are running from the wounds inflicted by universal background checks! Only Glenn Beck can save her now, by dragging an American flag to the ground and administering CPR to the floor:

    America is hemorrhaging. And we're down and we're on the ground. And what do you do? Every time you push something onto the wound to stop the bleeding! You don't even have tourniquet! You just push something down on the wound!

    If you've seen this in a movie, where there's a body bleeding to death, what do they do? They're like gurgling. That's what America's doing right now! She's down on the ground, she gurgling, we've got our hand on the wound. Some of us!

    Stay with me. Stay with me, talk to me, don’t close your eyes, don't go to sleep, wake up! Wake up! Stay with me!

    And that is the story of a man who loved his country so much, he used its flag to the mop the floor.

    The end.

    Photo by Kris Connor/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

    Tags: Flags, Glenn Beck, Guns


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