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CubbyChaser
  • John McCain and Barack Obama's All Time Favorite Songs


    Just like the last one and the one before that, this election is definitely the single most important election in the history of America's history. So, it's important to weigh the facts and really listen to the candidates' positions on…

    What's that, voice inside my head? Obama now released his own celeb attack ad? Fuck it. I’m basing all my decisions on superficial reasons.

    And with that I segway at two miles an hour into Blender magazine's announcement that Obama and McCain will list their top ten songs in the September issue. I'm not sure when candidates started taking campaign advice from High Fidelity, but the choices sure say a lot about the candidates. Or about as much as anything else in this stupid election.

    Here are a few facts I filtered from the song choices…

    * Two ABBA songs land on McCain's list, so I can only assume that he loves everything else Swedish. You heard it here first, McCain loves lutfisk and international neutrality.

    * Topping Obama's list is The Fugees with "Ready or Not." The Fugees, like Reverend Wright and Ludacris, are obvious radicals and this is further proof (as if we needed it) that Obama is a radical. Obama should stick to listening to boring white people music, like…

    * Frank Sinatra was a top pick for both candidates. Obama went with, "You'd Be So Easy to Love." I think we should jump to the conclusion that Obama thinks the song is about him. Can you believe what an elitist this guy is?

    * McCain went with Sinatra's "I've Got You Under My Skin." The song is personal for McCain as he thinks it's referencing psoriasis.

    * Neither candidate picked God Bless America as their top song, proving once and for all that they both hate America.


    Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, Voter Suppression
  • The World Waits in Breathless Anticipation For Angelina Jolie's Endorsement

    John McCain said it first and emphatically — and now Barack Obama's echoing his sentiments: Celebrities are silly, idiotic people and cannot be trusted with anything important… and especially not an entire country. (Countries tend to have a lot of sharp objects in them, and someone can get hurt.)

    So, obviously, the two of them are both clamoring to get at mega-celebrity Angelina Jolie's hot, hot, hot celebrity endorsement

    Both John McCain (R-AZ) and Barack Obama (D-IL) are said to be seeking out the endorsement of one famous Hollywood actress — Angelina Jolie. The 33-year-old mother of six says she's waiting to reserve judgment on who'll she vote for, and is right now considering both candidates…

    "I have not decided on a candidate. I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world."

    I think that's pretty hypocritical of her to feign concern for poor people in other countries when she and her husband Brad Pitt been hoarding more than 37% of their own country's reserves of ridiculously crazy super hotness.

    Before she goes trying to influence our candidates' foreign policy platforms, she needs to clean up her own backyard.

    And she should do it naked. Except for maybe some work boots.


    Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain
  • John McCain's Georgia Speech May Not Meet Wikipedia's Quality Standards

    According to one Wikipedia "editor" (otherwise known as anybody with an Internet connection), John McCain — the senior United States Senator from Arizona and presumptive Republican Party nominee for President of the United States in the 2008 election — may have stolen large chunks of his speech on the current conflict between Russia and Georgia directly from an article Georgia on Wikipedia, a free,[5] multilingual, open content encyclopedia project operated by the United States-based non-profit Wikimedia Foundation.

    Political Insider gives examples

    First instance:

    one of the first countries in the world to adopt Christianity as an official religion (Wikipedia)

    vs.

    one of the world's first nations to adopt Christianity as an official religion (McCain)

    Second instance:

    After the Russian Revolution of 1917, Georgia had a brief period of independence as a Democratic Republic (1918-1921), which was terminated by the Red Army invasion of Georgia. Georgia became part of the Soviet Union in 1922 and regained its independence in 1991. Early post-Soviet years was marked by a civil unrest and economic crisis. (Wikipedia)

    vs.

    After a brief period of independence following the Russian revolution, the Red Army forced Georgia to join the Soviet Union in 1922. As the Soviet Union crumbled at the end of the Cold War, Georgia regained its independence in 1991, but its early years were marked by instability, corruption, and economic crises. (McCain)

    That's kind of damning. But I think what really tips it off as being stolen from Wikipedia is that it's totally wrong.

    Everybody knows that Georgia is a state in the Southeastern United States and was one of the original Thirteen Colonies that revolted against British rule in the American Revolution. It was the last of the Thirteen Colonies to be established as a colony, in 1733. It was the fourth state to ratify the United States Constitution, on January 2, 1788. It seceded from the Union on January 21, 1861 and was one of the original seven Confederate states. It was the last state to be readmitted to the Union, on July 15, 1870. Georgia is the ninth-largest state in the nation by population, with an estimated 9,544,750 residents as of July 1, 2007. It is also the third fastest-growing state in terms of numeric gain and fifth in terms of percent gain, adding 202,670 residents at a rate of 2.2%. From 2006 to 2007, Georgia had 18 counties among the nation's 100 fastest-growing counties, the most of any state. Georgia is also known as the Peach State and the Empire State of the South. Atlanta is the most populous city, and the capital.


    Tags: Georgia, John McCain, Russia, Wikipedia
  • Clinton Aide: John Edwards' Skill at Hiding His Scuzziness Cost Hillary Clinton the Nomination

    On behalf of the entire media and blogosphere to Howard Wolfson and the rest of Hillary Clinton's campaign aides.

    We are gravely sorry that we didn't dig up seedy, nasty dirt on John Edwards back in 2007 so that you could all continue with your lazy, uninspired, short-sighted plans for Senator Clinton's campaign without actually having to be confronted with the possibility that there was a possibility of being held accountable for your lack of effort…

    Sen. Hillary Clinton would be the Democratic presidential nominee if John Edwards had been caught in his lie about an extramarital affair and forced out of the race last year, insists a top Clinton campaign aide, making a charge that could exacerbate previously existing tensions between the camps of Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama.

    "I believe we would have won Iowa, and Clinton today would therefore have been the nominee," former Clinton Communications Director Howard Wolfson told ABC News.com.

    You know, I can understand what Wolfson is saying. And it certainly is the case that he might be right, and that if Edwards had been knocked out prior to primary season, Hillary Clinton might have recieved enough of his votes to win Iowa and get the momentum that she needed to sweep the rest of the states early on… exactly as her team expected would happen. That  might be the case.

    Only thing is: my time machine is broken, and I can't go back to January and verify that theory.

    But do you what I know to be the case? That is Wolfson and Mark Penn and everyone else on Team Clinton had made a strategy beyond Iowa and New Hampshire — even considered the possibility that Clinton nomination might not be an abject inevitability — that Hillary Clinton would be the nominee today.


    Tags: Hillary Clinton, Iowa, John Edwards, New Hampshire
  • BREAKING NEWS: The Footage Barack Obama Doesn't Want You to See – Do the Letters "RR" Mean Anything to You?

    Well, we all knew it was inevitable.

    Eventually, video would emerge which would completely destroy all the Obamaniac's dreams of a Hopey America.

    And here it is…

    Looks like John McCain is a shoo-in to win the election now.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Terrorism