Latest Posts

David Waters
  • Verizon Workers Breach Obama's Phone Records, Rewarded for Doing So

    People are saying that Barack Obama is going to change Washington, and I guess it must be true because unlike previous Presidents who've used their political power to crush their enemies, Barack Obama seems to be rewarding all those who have mistreated him.

    The latest example? Well, apparently several Verizon Wireless employees breached the security of Obama's cell phone records. Wow. That's, like, not a good idea.

    I mean, I'd like to think that my privacy's protected, and the only number I call is 1-800-Dick-Joke to help me write this blog. But the leader of the free world? That's clearly like some sort of Federal crime right?

    Maybe, but this is Obama's time. So, while I probably would have those workers audited and imprisoned, it appears that no one's raising an issue with Verizon's decision to put these workers on "immediate leave, with pay."

    That's right. Invade Barack's privacy and jeopardize our national security you get a paid vacation.

    Perhaps, that's not so surprising. After all, if you call him unprepared to lead and start the Bill Ayers talk rolling, you might just become Secretary of State. Call him a Marxist and he'll sit down with you to discuss working together. Provide aide and comfort to his political rival and you get to chair a coveted Senate committee.

    So for all you struggling financially in these uncertain times, I urge you to somehow mess with Obama…

    * Can't make your car payments? Why not make loud farting noises under your armpit during Obama's inauguration?

    * Been given 90 days to look for a new job? Better make sure at least 89 of those are spent Rick Rolling Obama.

    * No money for food? Have you considered molesting the White House dog?

      Can we mess with Obama for economic security?

      Yes we can.

      Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Obama Administration, Senate
    • McCain Running for Senate Re-Election? Indecision 2008 Keeps It Classy

      CNN's always-informative "Political Ticker"' has learned that Senator McCain met with top advisors last night to set up political action committees.  According to one aide, the move signals McCain's intent to run for Senate re-election in 2010.

      It occurs to me that if reelected John McCain would be 80 years old at the completion of his next Senate term.  Sure I could make a bunch of "John McCain is so old jokes," but I think you expect more from Indecision 2008.

      No one's going to laugh if i say the committees' first order of business is to keep kids off McCain's lawn or replace his insides with an adamantium skeleton and motorized organs.  And it would just be juvenile to suggest that the committees are working on a new campaign slogan like "John McCain is Dead … Dead Right on the Issues!"

      No, you, the discerning Indecision reader, expect more.  And good for you.  You totally should. There's nothing funny about insensitive bloggers joking that a senile John McCain is intending to promise voters "A Penny Whistle in Every Edsel."

      Tags: John McCain, Senate
    • "Open Your Mind, Wolf"

      That hologram technology was only the first of many sci fi-influenced goodies that CNN is unveiling tonight. Below, Wolf Blitzer unveils new pollster analyst Kwato who predicted Pennsylvania will go to Obama.

    • CNN Asks Should We Trust Exit Polls?

      In a thought-provoking blurb, CNN asks should we trust exit polls?

      Point: If the exit polls are as wrong this year as they were four years ago, we might expect to see a closer race in some battleground states than people suspect.

      CNN asks a hard question, but 7 out of 10 people I just questioned said we should.

    • Pollster to McCain: You've Won The Invisible, Uncooperative, Racist Vote!

      In a memo released last week, McCain's top pollster Bill McInturff had advised the race was tighter than any imagined. According to McInturff, those who refuse to participate in national polls likely support John McCain. That theory seems supported by from some research conducted by the Pew Research Center over a decade ago…

      In 1997, the Pew Research Center conducted an experiment that found "reluctant respondents significantly less sympathetic than amenable respondents toward African-Americans." Without these hard-to-reach anti-Obamans in the respondent poll, McInturff's thinking went, our national surveys would naturally skew toward the Democrat. But if they show up on Election Day, McCain would get a big–and potentially decisive–boost.

      It's truly heart-warming to think that John McCain could be carried to victory by a band of voters who hate minorities and polls. But will the McCain camp figure out how to reach these American heroes? It's true the senior Senator is not African American, but how do you get people to the polls when they hate being polled?