David Axelrod's Mustache Is Stepping Down

It's difficult to overstate the enormity the White House's upcoming loss, but President Barack Obama will be losing one of his greatest strategists and advisors next Friday, December 7th.

I speak, of course, of the facial hair that currently resides upon David Axelrod's upper lip…

Last month, Earlier Axelrod said he would shave if one of [MSNBC's Joe] Scarborough's election predictions came true: That Republican Mitt Romney would carry either Pennsylvania, Michigan or Minnesota. Obama won all three.

Axelrod also said he would submit to a shave if Scarborough and co-host Mika Brzezinski raised more than $1 million for Axelrod's charity, Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy — and they did.

No word yet whether the mustache will be replaced with a Van Dyke style beard or, perhaps, some thick mutton chop sideburns. Or maybe just a face full of unkempt stubble. Really we're all just speculating at this point. All we really do know is that whatever form of facial hair takes up the gauntlet from the iconic mustache will have some pretty big shoes to fill.

David Axelrod — the mustache's host — is also stepping out of the political arena to begin working with the University of Chicago for whatever that's worth.

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Mitch McConnell Laughs Existentially at the Cosmic Joke

Having just stared deeply into the vast nothingness of the Treasury Department's proposal for averting the metaphorical and self-imposed "fiscal cliff" over which Congress is currently dangling itself, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell — laden heavy with despair — found himself bereft of all options save one...

Mitch McConnell, the Senate Republican leader, says he "burst into laughter" Thursday when Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner outlined the administration proposal for averting the fiscal cliff. He wasn't trying to embarrass Geithner, McConnell says, only responding candidly to his one-sided plan, explicit on tax increases, vague on spending cuts.

Geithner's visit to his office left McConnell discouraged about reaching a "balanced" deal on tax hikes and spending reductions designed to prevent a shock to the economy in January. "Nothing good is happening" in the negotiations, McConnell says, because of Obama's insistence on tax rate hikes for the wealthy but unwillingness to embrace serious spending cuts.

McConnell truly is the Sisyphean hero written of by Arthur Camus so many years ago, hefting the boulder of compromise up, up, up the hill only to watch in disgust as Obama pushes it back down with a simple flick of his thumb. And down McConnell must go to take up the task once again, for the sake of his constituents.

To paraphrase Camus: "The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Mitch McConnell happy."

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Legislator Has Very Good Reason for Breaking Anti-Tax Pledge

Look, if you're going to break the anti-tax pledge that Grover Norquist demands asks all Republicans to sign, you'd better have a damn good reason.

Luckily, Chris Gibson has an excellent one…

A spokeswoman for Rep. Chris Gibson (R-NY) on Thursday offered a peculiar explanation for why the re-elected congressman is abandoning Grover Norquist's anti-tax pledge: his district number changed.

Originally elected in 2010 in New York's 20th Congressional District, Gibson won a second term this year in the state's newly redrawn 19th Congressional District. That, Gibson's spokeswoman Stephanie Valle said in a statement, is sufficient reason to walk back the pledge he signed two years ago.

Also, Saturn was in retrograde when he signed that pledge. Now, Mars is transiting the sign of Capricorn, so no reasonable person should expect him to honor past promises.

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney Are Now Best Friends for Life

Against all likelihood, it would seem as though former bitter campaign rivals Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are now the very best of friends who can expect several decades worth of camaraderie and companionship from one another. Lo, their unbreakable bond shall be sung of in halls through this great land through to time immemorial.

Or, at any rate, they'll maybe "stay in touch," which is pretty much the same thing…

President Barack Obama and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney "pledged to stay in touch," after a lunch meeting today, according to the White House…

"The focus of their discussion was on America's leadership in the world and the importance of maintaining that leadership position in the future," the administration statement said. "They pledged to stay in touch, particularly if opportunities to work together on shared interests arise in the future."

It's like I always say: Never misunderestimate the power of a simple meal of "white turkey chili and Southwestern grilled chicken salad." It's why all U.S. embassies have a Qdoba in their food court.*

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^{* Not technically a true fact.}

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