Did Somebody Ask For A Recount?

Now, we know a lot of you out there in Readerland were disappointed by last night's election. Barack Obama won in a landslide, voting discrepancies were few and far between, and everyone went home with a good feeling– even grumpy old Mr. McCain managed to warm our hearts.

Well, don't fear, because you're about to get plenty of acrimonious, partisan warfare in Minnesota!

Incumbent Republican Senator Norm Coleman and Democratic challenger Al Franken appear headed for a certain recount in the razor-thin race, which currently has Coleman leading by just 600 votes out of 2.4 million cast statewide…

One of the most bitter U.S. Senate races in Minnesota history continued to grind on early this morning, with Republican Sen. Norm Coleman and DFL challenger Al Franken locked in a race that remained too close to call.

With 98 percent of the returns in, Franken and Coleman were in a virtual tie around 3 a.m. A winning margin of less than one half of 1 percent — now almost certain — would trigger an automatic recount and could delay a result for days while ballots are retabulated across the state.

By law, the losing candidate can waive a recount, but that seems highly unlikely in this race.

In anticipation of this next step, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty has flashed the much-vaunted Katherine Harris Signal into the sky, summoning the former Florida Secretary of State to the scene.  If there's a recount to be botched, it should be botched by a pro.

Ted Stevens and Don Young Still Somehow Lead In Alaska

You'd think that being tied to convicted felon lobbyists would be political suicide in today's climate.  And you'd certainly think that being a convicted felon yourself would be even worse.  But in Alaska, there may be one sin that trumps both of those…

Being a Democrat.

What we're getting at is that somehow GOP Rep. Don Young (he of the Jack Abramoff affiliations) and Sen. Ted Stevens (he of the seven felony convictions) continue to lead in election returns as we approach 5 a.m. in the East.

What's wrong with Democrats, Alaska?  Was the last one you sent to Washington such a disaster that you're now morally opposed to ever doing it again?  Honestly, how bad could it have been under that last Democrat, who was… let's see here…

Mike Gravel???

Alright, maybe you have a point there, Alaska.

Oregon, Minnesota Senate Races Still Too Close to Call

Have a nice night of partying, President-Elect Obama.  Remember to have a drink on your fellow Senators Gordon Smith (R-OR) and Norm Coleman (R-MN), who remain stationed in their Fox News-outfitted bunkers, awaiting their fate.

* Smith is trailing State Representative Jeff Merkley, 48% to 47% with just under half the precincts reporting.

* Coleman is tied with Saturday Night Live funnyman Al (O')Franken, 42% apiece with 69% of the precincts reporting.

If Smith and Coleman are returned to the Senate, they can reunite with fellow GOP incumbents Mitch McConnell and Susan Collins, both of whom survived strong challenges from Democrats.

And if they lose, they will have ample vacation opportunities.  Space undoubtedly awaits them at the consistently-vacant North Carolina home of new loser Liddy Dole or at the massive new wing in Ted Stevens' Anchorage home.

Now if they choose the latter location, they shouldn't stay too long.  When Stevens gets back from jail, he's going to be extra crotchety.

Florida, Colorado, Virginia and Nevada Pour Salt in McCain's Wounds

Barack Obama has already won the presidency.  Now Florida, Colorado, Virginia and Nevada want to kick John McCain on his way out the door.

From MSNBC…

Florida: Obama 51%, McCain 49%  (90% reporting)

Colorado: Obama 54%, McCain 45%  (58% reporting)

Virginia: Obama 51%, McCain 48%  (95% reporting)

Nevada: Obama 60%, McCain 38%  (3% reporting)

All have been called for Obama.

As a comfort to McCain, he won Utah.

Despite Campaign of Hope, America Still Too Sexist to Change

Bow your heads, America.  Despite a spirited campaign that left shattered glass and dead moose everywhere it went, reality has set in: America is still too sexist for a female vice-president.

If not now, when America??  How dare you vote for Barack Obama just because Sarah Palin is a woman?  She wasn't even convicted in that Troopergate thing for crying out loud!

Looks like we're going to have to wait until 2012 for women to get a fair share in this country.  Michelle Malkin, Phyllis Schlafly, we're looking at you.