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Dylan Ris
  • Michael Steele: America's Great Black Hope

    If everything goes as planned, this January will find one African American doing what detractors said was impossible, what the world thought was apocryphal, what so many thought they'd never see in their lifetimes.

    Yes, America. We stand on the cusp of seeing Michael Steele elected the first black chairman of the Republican Party. Reports the Washington Post…

    Former Maryland lieutenant governor Michael S. Steele said yesterday that he will seek the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee, a move sure to shake up the race for control of a party demoralized by losses in last week's elections…

    After a stint as chairman of the Maryland Republican Party, Steele was elected lieutenant governor of Maryland in 2002. Four years later, he ran for the Senate, losing to then-Rep. Benjamin L. Cardin (D)… Steele is also African American, a potential benefit for a party seeking to broaden its base of support.

    Hey now just a minute, Washington Post! Did you really need to mention Steele's race? As if being a one-term lieutenant governor who's been out of office for 2 years wasn't qualification enough?

    And besides, the GOP has plenty of African-Americans. There's… let's see… J.C. Watts, Condi Rice… oh and the cast of that minstrel show from their 2000 convention.

    Note that Steele is also making African American history by advocating a "states rights" platform for the party, stating, "I know firsthand the RNC must truly be run as a federation of state parties in order to be effective."

    Steele's potential election will come in January, just in time for the GOP to shut down for all of February in observance of Black History Month. So tape the TV broadcasts, save your newspapers, print out this column and frame it.

    We're gonna tell our grandkids about this one!

    Tags: Michael Steele
  • Chris Dodd Sticks His Necks Out For Joe Lieberman

    Alright, who's the wise guy who went into the home of Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT) and unplugged the TV and radio, disconnected the internet, and burned every newspaper in sight?

    At least I'm assuming that's what happened, because surely there's no way that Dodd heard colleague Joe Lieberman (I-CT) rip Barack Obama, leaving open the question that he might be a Marxist Muslim, while simultaneously burying his face halfway up Sarah Palin's $150,000 miniskirt.

    All I'm saying is no one who witnessed all that could possibly be shepherding Lieberman past angry Senate Democrats without incurring so much as a censure or loss of committee chairmanship, right?

    No, seriously Roll Call… I said right??

    Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.) acknowledged today that he is working behind the scenes to broker a deal that would keep his home-state colleague, Sen. Joe Lieberman (ID-Conn.), in the Democratic caucus, and possibly avoid taking away Lieberman’s chairmanship of the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs panel.

    “I’m working with the leaders, and others, and Joe to see if we can’t come to some agreement or understanding that would allow Joe to come back to our caucus to be an active member,” said Dodd.

    What could explain this? Perhaps it's that when Dodd looks hard at his colleague from Connecticut, he sees a lot of himself staring back. And it is true that both men…

    * Face widespread disapproval in their home state.

    * Moved out of Connecticut as primary election stunts, with Lieberman moving to New Hampshire and Dodd to Iowa.

    * Lost said primaries miserably.

    * Declared a "three-way split decision for third" despite actually finishing fifth. Oh wait, that was only Lieberman.

    * Finished behind "Undecided" in Iowa. Oh wait, that was only Dodd.

    Well whatever the reason may be, it's clear that Dodd wants his state-mate at his side when the Democrats re-caucus in January. And it's because Dodd is loyal and sees Lieberman as an ally on economic and social issues.

    And also because he doesn't want to inherit the unfortunate distinction of Democrat with the largest jowls.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Chris Dodd, Connecticut, Joe Lieberman, Senate
  • Saxby Chambliss Getting the Most Republican Attention Since Terri Schiavo

    Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) is facing a run-off election on December 2, and his Republican buddies are lined up halfway to South Carolina for the chance to pimp him to weary voters.

    While Democratic challenger Jim Martin is forced to make due with a team of "Obama surrogates," Chambliss has mobilized so many A-List Republicans, you'd think Terri Schiavo had moved to Georgia.

    Among the GOP stars due to appear…

    John McCain
    What He Brings to the Table: 52% of the Georgia vote.  Tell-all stories about Joe the Plumber.
    What's in It for Him: Opportunity to prove he is still alive.

    Sarah Palin
    What She Brings to the Table: The concession speech she believed she'd get to deliver for McCain.
    What's in It for Her: If she can destroy Chambliss's campaign as well, that's one less challenger for 2012.

    Mike Huckabee
    What He Brings to the Table: The TV star power of Oprah Winfrey, if Oprah were a white, southern ex-governor who built an entire career on weight loss.
    What's in It for Him: The chance that someone might let him play "Free Bird" again.

    Mitt Romney
    What He Brings to the Table: Money. Otherwise he wouldn't be invited.
    What's in It for Him: More press footage of himself he can masturbate to.

    Rudy Giuliani
    What He Brings to the Table: The missing link between Jim Martin and the 9/11 terrorists.
    What's in It for Him: Doesn't matter. We already know he's willing to give up his reputation, his career and $59 million for one measly delegate.

    And if for some reason the runoff drags all the way out to 2012, Chambliss will have no problem assembling the same cast of characters.  He can just set up a TV camera in Iowa and watch this crowd come racing like flies to a turd.

    Tags: Georgia, Jim Martin, John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Saxby Chambliss
  • Minnesota Governor Clearly Drawing Salary From Wal-Mart

    Apparently the occupation of Minnesota Governor doesn't pay as well as we'd been led to believe. Given the content of Tim Pawlenty's recent speeches, it's pretty clear that he's taken a side job with Wal-Mart. (At $7.85/hour or whatever they're up to. Hopefully the state gives him health insurance.)

    If you're not sure what I'm getting at, consider these recent quotes from Pawlenty, from the summer though this week's Republican Governors' Association meeting in Miami…

    * "People who shop at Sam's Club and Wal-Mart want value, which ties into the Republican message of reform, accountability, and limited government." (August 4, 2008)

    * "We want to be the party of Sam's Club, not just the country club." (August 6, 2008)

    * "[John McCain] understands the concerns of everyday Americans like you and me. What I like to call "Sam's Club Republicans." These voters are on a tight budget. They're looking for value and accountability at the store. And they're looking for value and accountability from their government. John McCain connects with Sam's Club voters." (Republican National Convention (September 4, 2008)

    * "I think the best thing that we can do as a party is reach out to Sam's Club voters." (November 13, 2008)

    But before you shrug off the governor's one-man Wal-Mart/Sam's Club marketing campaign as just the natural behavior of a guy who hates unions, health care and locally owned businesses, consider an odd fact.

    While Wal-Mart/Sam's Club is based in Arkansas, their rival, Target, is based why in Minnesota. Where's the love, Pawlenty?  If you love Arkansas' businesses so much, why don't you just go be their governor?  (You're certainly white enough.)

    Anyway, I could dig up even more examples of the Governor's obsession, but they're almost endless and I don't want to drive up Google's stock price any further.

    Besides, Governor Pawlenty suggests we conduct all further web searches at

    Tags: Arkansas, Minnesota, Target, Tim Pawlenty
  • Norm Coleman Under Attack by Vast Communist Conspiracy

    Things haven't been going so well for Sen. Norm Coleman (R-MN) since he generously offered Al Franken the chance to give up his campaign and let him win. The Coleman/Franken race is now entering state-mandated recount mode after the latest tally has Coleman leading by just 206 votes.

    Since Coleman can't do anything to stop this recount, he's resorted to Plan B: Suggest that the man voters elected to run such a re-count might be a communist

    The National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) has been distributing to reporters a three-page "backgrounder" that attacks Secretary of State Mark Ritchie, a Democrat, for having spoken at the Democratic convention this summer, and for having "led a voter registration coalition that included ACORN," among other alleged sins…

    Despite the backgrounder's sometimes hysterical compilation of anti-Ritchie greatest hits — it claims that "the Communist Party USA Wrote Encouragingly Of His Candidacy," citing an un-sourced line from a report in the Minneapolis Star Tribune — there's no evidence that Ritchie has ever used his role as the state's top elections administrator to advantage Democrats.

    Hey, isn't it nice to see ACORN back in the news after what had to be a, what… 4, 5 day gap? (Even Sarah Palin forgot to mention them yesterday in her daily Bill Ayers briefing.) I'll bet it was the votes of Tony Romo and Mickey Mouse that triggered this recount!

    But how about the shocking news that Mark Ritchie was praised by a communist? In writing! And how about the fact that, "I have here in my hand a list of 205—a list of names that were made known to the Secretary of State as being members of the Communist Party and who nevertheless are still working and shaping policy in the State Department."

    Oh wait, that last quote wasn't from the Coleman campaign. It was from deceased Sen. Joseph McCarthy (R-WI).

    Must be an Upper Midwest thing.

    Tags: ACORN, Al Franken, Joseph McCarthy, Mark Ritchie, Minnesota, Norm Coleman, Sarah Palin, William Ayers