New Old News: Kosovo Steps Out

Good news, Kosovo! The UN World Court just ruled that you're a real country now!

Remember how you were in 1999 — all bombed out and needy? Remember that?

You've come a long way, buddy.

Now please please please stop letting Chechnya and East Timor borrow your car. Those guys are just going to drag you back into that old breakaway region spiral. At least make them throw down some collateral. An agriculture ministry, or a mountain or something.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

New Old News: Who the F**k is Andrew Breitbart?

As Dennis reported earlier in the day, civil servant Shirley Sherrod was fired after she was falsely accused of racism by Andrew Breitbart, a Conservative blogger most famous for selectively editing tapes of ACORN employees and allegedly dispatching his employees to spy on Senator Mary Landrieu.

At least if he winds up being forced into retirement for this, he'll have lots more time to spend provoking his wife and kids.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

New Old News: The Ground Zero Mosque

I agree with Sarah Palin: it's time for all decent New Yorkers to "refudiate" plans to build an Islamic community center near Ground Zero. Surely we can all agree that the last thing this country needs near the site of the worst terrorist attack in history is a place where Muslims can engage in suspicious activity, like practicing their religion or shooting hoops.

Unfortunately, it seems like America's Muslims will stop at nothing to peacefully observe the tenets of their faith right in the eyes of good, God-fearing Americans, which Rob Riggle first discovered three years ago in Texas.

New Old News: Elizabeth Warren vs. Timothy Geithner

Hey, did you hear about the fight between Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and Congressional Oversight Panel chair Elizabeth Warren over who gets to lead the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau?

Oh. Huh.

Well, it's happening.

Totally seriously.

Here's Warren talking about the urgency of Wall Street reform six months ago on The Daily Show.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

New Old News: Gay Marriage in Argentina

Now that Argentina has legalized gay marriage, it has officially become the Massachusetts of South America. Which means an invasion of irritating Ivy Leaguers, chowder that tastes like lamb dick and insidious gayness is surely on the horizon…

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.