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NM Gov. Susana Martinez Falls Victim to Gay Stylist Lockout

All New Mexico Governor Susana Martinez wanted was to avoid what I affectionately call the John Thune – the official hair helmet uniform of all Republican lawmakers whose locks are coiffed exclusively by heterosexual hands. Cue Antonio Darden,  proprietor of Antonio's Hair Studio in Santa Fe and Martinez's stylist on three previous occasions, to spurn Martinez's bob thanks to the governor's anti-marriage equality views…

"The governor’s aides called not too long ago, wanting another appointment to come in," Darden said. "Because of her stances and her views on this I told her aides no. They called the next day, asking if I'd changed my mind about taking the governor in and I said no again."

The governor has said she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman, and that does not cut it with Darden.

"I think it's just equality, dignity for everyone," the popular hair stylist said. "I think everybody should be allowed the right to be together. My partner and I have been together for 15 years."

Now if stylists, interior decorators and evangelical preachers joined forces in a boycott of anti-marriage lawmakers, America would have civil equality in no time.

Photo by Frederic J. Brown/AFP/Getty Images

Rick Santorum to Take Porn from Americans' Cold, Sticky Hands

Believe it or not, Rick Santorum's strategy for the past few weeks has been to downplay his crusade against the gaying of America in favor of appealing to cross-over primary voters who have concerns about Mitt Romney's presumed plan to buyout the underperforming voters of Michigan and Arizona and replace them with more efficient Romney-compliant voters.

But liberal media scolds like my colleague Jess Dweck keep messing with the program by accurately reporting on things Rick Santorum has said in the past. Now comes an even bolder conspiracy, as the media has somehow forced Santorum to fill the "Issues" section of his campaign website with the ravings of a zealous scold promising to ban hotel porn…

America is suffering a pandemic of harm from pornography.  A wealth of research is now available demonstrating that pornography causes profound brain changes in both children and adults, resulting in widespread negative consequences…

Current federal "obscenity" laws prohibit distribution of hardcore (obscene) pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops and through the mail or by common carrier. Rick Santorum believes that federal obscenity laws should be vigorously enforced.  "If elected President, I will appoint an Attorney General who will do so."

The Obama Administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws. While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration.

Whatever the odds, I'll take the over on Santorum having a Gay Porn Czar in the White House.

Photo by Bill Pugliano/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Ferengi or Republican? The Candidates in Star Trek Terms

One is a group of humanoids who view the accumulation of wealth as life's central enterprise, devote themselves to a culture of unrestrained capitalism that holds labor unions and workplace regulations as abominations, condone unethical business practices in the service of profit, and are ardently misogynistic.

The other is a fictional race of space aliens in the Star Trek universe. Just how well do the Republican presidential candidates align with the rest of their space-faring cousins?

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Rick Santorum: Prenatal Testing Leads to Eugenics

The faith of one of the leading contenders for the Republican presidential nomination holds that elect believers will rule their own planets in the afterlife, preferably in a nice cosmic neighborhood with a good schools near God's own planet of Kolob; it practices posthumous baptisms of the unconverted, its members wear possibly-magical "temple garments" and wayward adherents can be "shunned" from the Church's spiritual communion.

And then there's the candidate who is an extremist religious crank…

Rick Santorum accused President Obama of requiring free prenatal testing in the health care plan he signed in 2010 because it would detect if children were disabled, encourage more abortions and save money.

"One of the things that you don't know about ObamaCare in one of the mandates is they require free prenatal testing," Santorum began telling about 400 people here. "Why? Because free prenatal testing ends up in more abortions and, therefore, less care that has to be done, because we cull the ranks of the disabled in our society. That too is part of ObamaCare — another hidden message as to what president Obama thinks of those who are less able than the elites who want to govern our country."

It's true that the early detection of chromosomal disorders sometimes results in abortion, but at least as often, prenatal testing is used to plan out  courses of treatment — like heparin injections  or even neonatal surgery — to reduce the dangers of high-risk pregnancies.

But according to Santorum, we can't have voluntary government-subsidized prenatal screening in a freedom-loving America. Only forced government-mandated prenatal screening.

Photo by John W. Adkisson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

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Polls: Betty White Way More Awesome Than Thomas Jefferson

Happy President's Day, where we honor our nation's leaders by holding furniture sales and conducting surveys in which Americans are asked to pretend to have an opinion about obscure former chief executives.

The leader in the latter category is Public Policy Polling, which reports that it's all been downhill since George Washington, with 89% of voters seeing him favorably, and only 3% unfavorably. But how do our celebrated presidents stand up to the real celebrities? There is only one methodologically-flawed way to find out. Behold, the five most popular and unpopular U.S. presidents as aligned against the Ipsos ratings of their celebrity betters…

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Tags: George Washington, Polls, President's Day, Richard Nixon, Thomas Jefferson