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Gladstone
  • Six American Politicians Who Were Born as Un-Americans


    The other day my editor said something to me that made me think of some of the people born in other countries who later became U.S. Politicians. I think it was something like, "Hey, Gladstone, write me up a list of people born in other countries who are now U.S. politicians."

    So I set to work without even asking why she made the request. And believe me that was no small task. After all, with the upcoming premiere of Ugly Americans –- a show about monsters who become American citizens — I could hardly concentrate on this article about legal aliens who became American politicians. Also, I've been very busy lately attending therapy for people who accidentally make highly insulting analogies without meaning to.

    So without further ado…

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    Jamshid "Jimmy" Delshad

    It's no small thing to come from Iran — a country currently despised in the U.S. — and get yourself elected Mayor of Beverley Hills, but that's just what Jamshid Delshad did in 2007. How?

    First, he told people he's from Persia and not Iran. That conjures images of flying carpets instead of unapproved nuclear weapons programs. Second, as a Persian Jew, Delshad didn't really have a lot in common with Iran's current Muslim-based government. But most importantly, Delshad, unofficially changed his name to "Jimmy." And as anyone will tell you, Americans love politicians named "Jimmy," and we would never elect someone with a name like Barack Hussein Obama.

    On second thought, it was probably just the Persia thing.

    Ugly Americans premieres on Wednesday, March 17 at 10:30 pm / 9:30 c after an all new South Park.

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    Tags: Alexander Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, California, Jennifer Granholm, Madeleine Albright, Michigan, Obama Administration, Pete Hoekstra
  • The Top 27 Political Bastards of All Time (The Real Kind)


    Here's a riddle. What's conceived in sin; takes nine months to complete; and makes for some sticky situations upon its unwelcomed arrival? That's right, a completely convoluted Indecision article that lists famous illegitimate political offspring while simultaneously promoting the season premiere of The Sarah Silverman Program, entitled "The Proof Is in the Penis." Oh, except Indecision didn't give me nine months to write this. More like five days. And I guess I didn't really conceive it in sin, although between you and me, my silk boxers do feel pretty sweet beneath my blogging pants.

    Now before you go complaining about who I left off, keep in mind that I was looking not only for political progeny born to unmarried parents, but also people who — when organized in list form — would make you, the reader, want to tune in for Sarah Silverman's premiere episode, "The Proof Is in the Penis" this Thursday at 10:30pm / 9:30c. Did I accomplish this? Hey, who's wearing the blogging pants around here. Spoiler alert: Not me as of twenty seconds ago.

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    27. John Edwards' daughter Frances Quinn Hunter

    When John Edwards burst on the National political scene in 2000, he was like nothing we'd ever seen. The guy just didn't lie like a politician. Unfortunately, he lied a lot like a trial lawyer. And in 2008, we learned that John Edwards could lie like other things too.

    For example, like that guy your mom called your "uncle" when your dad was away on business trips. In any event, Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter came to light in 2008, and while he admitted his wrongdoing, he was also adamant that Ms. Hunter's baby girl was not his. Turns out that was also a lie.

    Fast-forward to 2010 and now Edwards has admitted that Frances Quinn is his daughter. This might be the first time a two-year-old's first sentence has been, "No, dude. Seriously. It's O.K."

    Read More »


    Tags: Bristol Palin, Christianity, France, Grover Cleveland, John Edwards, Levi Johnston, Paraguay, Racism, Religion, Rielle Hunter, Sarah Palin, Scandalgate, Senate, Sex, South Africa, South Carolina, Strom Thurmond, Tripp Johnston-Palin
  • First Lady Mentors Young Girls the Obama Way

    First Lady Michelle Obama is launching a mentoring program in which female White House senior staff impart educational, career development and life skills to young girls.

    Explaining the program, the First Lady said

    "When we came to the White House, we thought 'wow, we've got the most powerful seat in the land to help be a bridge builder… So we started thinking of new ways to bring new kids in, to have their voices heard, to know that the President of the United States hears you and values you and cares about your growth and development."

    And in nurturing that development, the program hopes to offer several life lessons and tutorials gleaned from this administration's rise to power and first year in office, including…

    * It's not how well you do your job, it's how poorly the guy you're replacing did his

    * Finding places to store your audacious, but unused, hope

    * Compromising your dreams: It only hurts forever


    Tags: Education, Men and Women, Michelle Obama, White House
  • Joe Scarborough's Still Got It!

    It's easy to call MSNBC's Joe Scarborough names. For example, here's just a few off the top of my head…

    * Second string political pundit who couldn't hack it on Capitol Hill

    * Disingenuous messenger for the Republican agenda, tempering his views with the political winds to create the false impression of objectivity; and, of course

    * Lumpy

    But none of those barbs can rob the man of his keen political insight. Offering views on the close New Jersey gubernatorial race, Scarborough writes

    "[T]he Democrats' turnout operation should keep this race tight all night. If the race is instead a blowout, that can only be bad news for the Democrats."

    See? Some people couldn't offer that kind of insight. Y'know, people who have spent their entire adult life huffing heavy metal industrial isotopes.

    So the next time you're tempted to stick it to old Joe, c'mon, show some respect.


    Tags: Chris Christie, Joe Scarborough, Jon Corzine, MSNBC, New Jersey
  • Monty Python Threatens Lawsuit Against Rep. Chris Christie (or How to Tell Copyright Infringement From Quite a Far Way Away)

    Say what you want about Republican gubernatorial candidate Chris Christie, but he knows a little something about the good people of New Jersey. In Texas, they may like candidates who strongly defend the right to bear arms. And in Wisconsin, a fine knowledge of dairy issues might secure you votes. But in New Jersey, it's all about referencing vintage British comedy.

    Why else would Christie's campaign have produced a spot lifting old Monty Python footage wholesale while attacking Senator Corzine's alleged plans to hike tolls? It's all about giving the people what they want. And in a rough and tumble state like Jersey, you can't be sweating the small stuff like copyright laws either. That's why Christie apparently posted the spot with no authority from the Pythons. Because, y'know, that's what the kids are doing.

    And now Christie's plan's all coming together. Just listen to the press he's getting from New Jersey's favorite adopted sons: Michael "hearts Trenton" Palin and Terry "Jersey City Rocks" Jones…

    "I'm surprised that a former U.S. Attorney isn't aware of his copyright infringement when he uses our material without permission. He's clearly made a terrible mistake."

    Monty Python's Terry Jones says that the troupe is strongly considering suing the Republican for his copyright infringement:

    "It is totally outrageous that a former US Attorney knows so little about the law that he thinks he can rip off people. On the other hand — another of Bush's legal appointees was Alberto Gonzales and he didn't seem to know much about the law either…," Jones said.

    With press like that Christie probably doesn't even need to run that second spot about Corzine's liberal agenda over images of Benny Hill patting the old guy on the head.


    Tags: Chris Christie, Jon Corzine, Monty Python, New Jersey