Latest Posts

Jordan Carlos
  • Hey Mitt, Will You Do My Taxes?

    Mitt Romney tax returns"It's really American to avoid paying taxes, legally," Sen. Lindsay Graham said recently, in real life.

    Okay, then! Add that to the list of all things all-American. Here I've been small-minded and thinking about apple pie, the Fourth of July, Big Macs, high-fructose corn syrup and outrage. Tax dodging is patriotic too? Sure, I'm game. I mean, maybe I'm already doing my bit for America. Every year at tax time I collect my receipts (thank Al Gore for Internet banking!), dump them on my ace accountant and pray, "No whammies! No whammies! No whammies!" I try to get the highest return possible–little did I know just how American I am by doing this.

    Now trust me, I love my accountant. He's worth every penny. But is he as patriotic as Mitt Romney? I'm not so sure. I think Mitt might be willing to do more than the average American. I'm talking about going beyond simple tax dodging and into the hazy, patriotic mist of offshore bank accounts and tax havens.

    Read More »

    Tags: Indecision Delegates, Mitt Romney, Money, Taxes
  • Meet the Least Boring State in America

    You know what I love about Florida? It’s NEVER boring. Like NEVER.

    From the Miami man who ate another man’s face because he was free-basing bath salts (like you do), to bomb-lobbing wingnut/rhetoric-bot Allen West, to the ongoing Trayvon Martin tragedy with its toxic brew of racial acrimony and paranoia, the Sunshine State has occupied the headlines for months.

    No wonder: This is the state that gave us Hulk Hogan, Flo Rida and Gatorade. It's also home to Tom Petty and Ricky "Rose" Ross. For those of you who don't keep up with the news, Ross is the rapper so real they found a bloody corpse on his front lawn a couple of months back. What the hell? Florida is an enigma wrapped in terror wrapped in humidity. And I say this as someone who comes from Texas, the state that gave us Rick Perry and Vanilla Ice.

    Read More »

    Tags: Florida, Indecision Delegates, Rick Scott, RNC, Voter Suppression
  • Indecision Delegates: Rebranding the GOP for the Hipster Vote

    With the "war on women" in full effect, efforts to roll tax rates back to pre-1950s depths mounting, and a stiff vanilla billionaire presidential candidate with perfect Brylcreem hair taking the stage, conservatives seem to be stuck in something of a time warp. Has the right been taking its cues from Downton Abbey? This kind of sepia-toned thinking wouldn't appeal to young voters, right? Or would it?!

    Think about it. Young men these days love to sport the handlebar mustaches their great great granddads used to wear. But why stop there?! Why not rock great great grandad’s political views, as well?! Republican attitudes and views are like something from a bygone era. And who’s into eras gone by? Answer: the kids — the hipster kids.

    Chances are, your great great grandad probably had a mini-stroke at the thought of women getting the vote or the very notion of law to protect child laborers, but how about those snazzy-ass fedoras he used to wear? You trust his opinions on style. Why not trust his opinions on politics too?

    Read More »

    Tags: Conservatives, Indecision Delegates, Jordan Carlos, Republicans