Great Moments in History According to the Obama White House

Among presidents and other high-ranking politicians, narcissism isn't so much a hazard as a job requirement. Still, there's being self-centered and then there's… rewriting the history of the United States to include one's own accomplishments within the biographies of past American leaders.

The conservative Heritage Foundation and Commentary Magazine catches the White House doing the latter — enumerating Barack Obama's achievements within the biographical sketches of presidents past. Unfortunately, the President's communication team neglected a few key moments in history…

* When Jefferson assumed the Presidency on March 4, 1801, the crisis in France had passed. Today, President Obama communicates with the President of France entirely through apologies.

* On March 4, 1841 William Henry Harrison became the first president to have his photograph taken. Today, the most dangerous place in America is between President Obama and a live camera.

* Inaugurated on July 10, 1850, Millard Fillmore had a weird name. Today, Barack Obama has a weird name.

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Tags: 14th Amendment, Barack Obama, Franklin Roosevelt, George Bush, Grover Cleveland, History, James Buchanan, Millard Fillmore, Theodore Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson, Woodrow Wilson

Democratic Congresspeople Make Insane Suggestion That Barack Obama Do Something

A bunch of Democratic legislators got together today to publicly ask President Obama to temporarily abandon his normal policy of systematic acquiescing to all Republican demands in favor of a radical short term plan of actually getting something done…

Today, a group of House Democrats held a press conference where they advocated for a fail-safe measure to ensure that the debt ceiling is hiked. These Democrats said that if all other measures fail, President Obama should simply issue an executive order invoking the 14th amendment to unilaterally raise the debt ceiling.

House Democratic Caucus Chairman Rep. John Larson (CT) and Assistant Minority Leader Jim Clyburn (SC) explained that their colleagues believe that if Republicans are intent on "destroying government," then there should be a "fail-safe mechanism" to ensure that the debt ceiling is hiked and that this mechanism is the 14th amendment.

Reps. Larson and Clyburn will almost certainly be harshly reprimanded by the President for having hurt Republican feelings at having made such a suggestion.

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: 14th Amendment, Barack Obama, Constitution, Debt, Democrats, Economy, House of Representatives

The Daily Show's Best 14th Amendment Moments

I stand by my claim that if the Founding Fathers had any idea that the 14th Amendment would be perverted to protect the rights of a bunch of foreigners, there's no way they would have added it to the Declaration of Independence…

Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Section 2. Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed. But when the right to vote at any election for the choice of electors for President and Vice President of the United States, Representatives in Congress, the Executive and Judicial officers of a State, or the members of the Legislature thereof, is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such State, being twenty-one years of age, and citizens of the United States, or in any way abridged, except for participation in rebellion, or other crime, the basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens twenty-one years of age in such State.

Section 3. No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. But Congress may, by a vote of two-thirds of each House, remove such disability.

Section 4. The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any State shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.

Section 5. The Congress shall have power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

Tags: 14th Amendment, Constitution, Immigration, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Video

From the Pork Barrel: Terror Babies? Terror Babies!

* The Center for Immigration Studies (whatever that is) publishes brand new spine-tingling Terror Baby fantasy fiction!

* Michele Bachmann doubles down on stupid.

* Why oh why won't you people let Meghan McCain's dad go to Las Vegas?!

* Hillary Clinton will not serve a 2nd term as Secretary of State, nor is she interested in challenging Obama. Which totally means she is challenging Obama! Am I right?!

* The only thing less interesting than the manufactured controversy over Obama's picks for the NCAA tournament are Obama's picks for the NCAA tournament.

* Rep. Jean Schmidt: A vagina and a pro-choice stance do not belong on the same person.

* Today's forecast: Mostly sunny, with a slight chance of skin-burning radioactive fallout.

Tags: 14th Amendment, Abortion, Babies, Basketball, Constitution, Environment, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, Immigration, Japan, Jean Schmidt, Michele Bachmann, Obama Administration, Pork Barrel, Sports, Terrorism

Louie Gohmert Likes to Yell Stuff About Terror Babies

Look, obviously, we're all afraid of "terror babies" because, seriously, you'd have to be superhumanly brave not to be. They're babies and they're terrorists! They're like Sharktopus, but, like, times a million or something.

Anyway, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) — the terror baby Cassandra — went on Anderson Cooper's show yesterday to yell incoherently about something related to terror babies in some vague way maybe. And you should watch it…

"Sir, you're just yelling. You're not having a conversation."

Wrong again, Anderson Cooper. He is having a conversation. Just not with you.

Tags: 14th Amendment, Anderson Cooper, Babies, CNN, House of Representatives, Immigration, Louie Gohmert, Terrorism, Texas