WINNER Caption Challenge: Michael Bloomberg and Some Hotdogs

Submitted by Andy DeLancey.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: 4th of July, Caption Challenge, Food, Games and Challenges, Michael Bloomberg, New York City

YOU DECIDE Caption Challenge: Michael Bloomberg and Some Hotdogs

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: 4th of July, Caption Challenge, Food, Games and Challenges, Michael Bloomberg, New York City

How Barack Obama and Thomas Jefferson Ruined Independence Day

Was your 4th of July "Lemon, wet, good," like Mitt Romney's lemonade? If so, you're lucky, because for many conservative activists the day was Obama, Muslim, bad.

This time, the freakout was precipitated by Barack Obama's promotion of the DREAM Act before an audience of newly naturalized Americans. The outrage is best summed up on Twitchy, a site named for the seizure-like reaction readers experience when spending more than five minutes on the Michelle Malkin-led Twitter aggregator…

Is there anything President Obama doesn't have the self-serving gall to politicize? The president decided that today's naturalization ceremony for immigrants serving in the United States military was a sweet opportunity to talk up a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants…

The country Obama loves is one where the president welcomes new citizens by forcing them to hear about amnesty on the very day they take the oath of citizenship. What a disgrace.

You know who else used July 4th (or actually, the 2nd) to politicize immigration? The guys who wrote and signed the Declaration of Independence…

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

How dare Thomas Jefferson politicize the Declaration of Independence with a mention of opening American borders to more immigrants? Where is his birth certificate? Is he even a Christian? He was a what? What the hell is a deist?

Shouldn't the Founders have had the foresight to know that the appropriators of their political legacy would one day be very keen on being pro-Jesus, but only one Jesus damnit, because the other Jesuses can go back to Mexico? How inconsiderate of them.

Photo by Sara D. Davis/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: 4th of July, Barack Obama, Conservatives, Declaration of Independence, Dream Act, Founding Fathers, Immigration, Thomas Jefferson

Please Store Mitt Romney in a Cool, Dry Place

Yes, computer cooling systems have improved over the years and even overclocked processors, busy computing how the Romneycare insurance mandate is a penalty while the Obamacare mandate is a tax, don't instantly melt in Summer heat. That doesn't mean you should leave an expensive piece of artificial intelligence out in the sun all day, making it walk through a Fourth of July parade route in New Hampshire…

"Get out and vote next year, this November, I mean!" said Romney, wiping beads of sweat off his brow. At one point, stopping to guzzle a glass of lemonade, Romney was asked how it tasted, to which he replied, "Lemon. Wet. Good."

One of us! One of us!

Seriously, that is the sound of a sophisticated piece of equipment running out of Read Only Memory and needing a reboot.

Maybe the Wall Street Journal, which editorialized last night that the Romney campaign "looks confused in addition to being politically dumb," should buy Romney a new cooling fan and a software upgrade before expecting him to take on RAM-intensive tasks like hitting back at Barack Obama over charges of Bain-led outsourcing and flip-floppery.

Photo by Kayana Szymczak/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: 4th of July, Mitt Romney

Tweet Untweet: Obama Makes It About Him Again

Obama's first child was born on the Fourth of July. Is there nothing those commies won't do to distract us from our Nations's birth?

— Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) July 4, 2012

Tags: 4th of July, Barack Obama, Malia Obama, Tweet Untweet, Twitter