Michele Bachmann on "Founding Father" John Quincy Adams

Oh, Michele Bachmann! You're so close to actually for real maybe winning the GOP nomination! Which would be a dream come true for a huge chunk of America's Republican base (and an even huger chunk of its Democratic base). Don't go screwing it up now by… well, talking.

Look, didn't you learn your lesson by talking yesterday? That clearly didn't work out well. Why are you gonna go and talk all over again. This is not your forte!

I understand the motivation to attempt to blink George Stephanopoulos for asking you these questions. But surely there must be other options.

Tags: ABC, Founding Fathers, George Stephanopoulos, John Quincy Adams, Michele Bachmann, PolitiFact, Primaries, Republicans, Slavery

Donald Trump Reveals Birtherism, Distaste for Crying, Extreme Richness

In an interview aboard his billion-dollar gold-plated jet/mansion, Comedy Central Roast-honoree and likely-candidate for the 2012 GOP nomination Donald Trump dropped some serious knowledge on ABC news' Ashleigh Banfield.

Among the best knowledge bits: Crying is kind of, um, you know [inscrutable hand motion]…

The real estate mogul also expressed personal affection toward Boehner, but said he was offput by the Speaker's occasional crying.

"I don't like the crying. I do not like it. I don't understand it. I really like him as a person," Trump said. "I think the crying is an emotional thing that, frankly, probably makes him a very nice man. But, you know, I don't like to see it in a leader."

Just because you pander to idiots and think like an idiot, it doesn't necessarily make you an idiot…

And Trump even made a pitch to "birthers," the faction within the GOP who incorrectly assert that Obama was born outside the United States, and is therefore constitutionally ineligible to be president.

"Everybody who gives even a hint of being a birther … even a little bit of a hint … they label them as an idiot," Trump said. "Let me tell you, I'm a really smart guy. The reason I have a little doubt — just a little — is because he grew up, and nobody knew him."

Being rich is better than being poor…

He said he's "absolutely" willing to commit as much as $600 million of his own money to the race, if he's doing well.

"Part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich," Trump explained.

I here I always thought he was kind of a jerk. Boy was I wrong!

Tags: ABC, Barack Obama, Birthers, Donald Trump, John Boehner, Money

Muammar Qaddafi Seems Like a Reasonable Fellow

Hmmmm… weird. I guess we were all wrong…

I imagine you have to have a healthy supply of self-delusion to pull of those outfits, right?

Tags: ABC, Christiane Amanpour, Libya, Muammar Qaddafi, Protesters, Twitter

Jon Stewart Mocks the Media for Their Punny Business

On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took the TV news media to task for their incessant use of puns. I'm glad somebody finally called them out for it. After all, when I turn on the news, I don't want to be subjected to a bunch of painfully unfunny wordplay, I want to be told what people are tweeting.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, Jon Stewart, MSNBC, The Daily Show, Video

Breaking: Politicians Say Bad Things About Other Politicians!

Have you heard the incredible story that the mainstream media broke this weekend? DEMOCRATS ARE GOING NEGATIVE WITH AD CAMPAIGNS. Imagine that! In an election year! Get ready to have your mind blown all over your computer, because The New York Times is on the case…

Democratic candidates across the country are opening a fierce offensive of negative advertisements against Republicans, using lawsuits, tax filings, reports from the Better Business Bureau and even divorce proceedings to try to discredit their opponents and save their Congressional majority.

NO! It can't be! What a fascinating story, that one of the two political parties in this bifurcated fuckshow of "democracy" is using the same tactics that both parties have always used. Has any other media outlet besides the great and distinguished Grey Lady picked up on this steaming-hot pile of Major News?

Oh, thank goodness ABC News is ALSO on the case…

So many Democrats are playing the only card they feel they have left, the fear card, depicting their opponents as personally unacceptable.

Rep. Alan Grayson, D-Fla., for example, did not serve in the military but that isn't stopping him from using an anonymous narrator in a TV ad to assail his Republican opponent for not having served either.

"It breaks an old soldier's heart to think that Daniel Webster could ever be elected to Congress," says the narrator, whom the Grayson campaign had declined to identify. "He doesn't love this country the way I do."

Factcheck.org has said the ad falsely impugns Webster's patriotism.

If you're someone who has ever paid attention to any political race in the history of ever, none of this will surprise you. But if you're some sort of dewy-eyed, damp young fawn, freshly arising from the ground beneath your mother's undercarriage in order to stumble about adorably in the early-morning mist, shaking off placental remnants and taking your first breaths of oxygen, well — then you're probably AGHAST.

Tags: ABC, Alan Grayson, Daniel Webster, Democrats, Florida, House of Representatives, New York Times