From the Pork Barrel: V for Libya!

* Libyan rebels storm Muammar Qaddafi's compound, finding nothing but the former dictator's multitudinous changes of spelling.

* Muammar Qaddafi: "I am not going to leave this land, I will die here as a martyr." And failing that, as a piñata.

* GOP candidates still struggling to think up reasons to be mad at Obama for Libyan revolution.

* Rick Perry abstains from making sense on abstinence education.

* Sarah Palin says something or other about her un-candidacy for non-president.

John Boehner's anti-gay lawyer also apparently anti-facts.

* How bad is President Obama's approval rating? So low America seriously considering Mitt Romney.

Photo by Filippo Monteforte/AFP/Getty Images

Tags: Abstinence, Barack Obama, Education, Libya, Mitt Romney, Muammar Qaddafi, Polls, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Sarah Palin, Texas

From the Pork Barrel: A Nation Weeps

* Glenn Beck officially breaks the awful news and informs a heart-broken nation he never really wanted that stupid show anyway.

* Teenage unmarried pregnancy is really paying well these days. In my day, it used to net a little under a grand on the black market.

* Julianne Moore was Hillary Clinton before she was Sarah Palin. Wake me up when she plays Dennis Kucinich.

* Michele Bachmann reveals that she is too not-stupid-enough to lead country.

* John Boehner only cries a little over government shutdown.

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Fox, Glenn Beck, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, John Boehner, Julianne Moore, Pork Barrel, Sarah Palin

Dems Introduce Doomed Bill Intended to End Abstinence-Only Education

As is clearly shown by abstinence spokes-teenage-mother Bristol Palin, abstinence-only education is the absolutely very best path for our children to start lucrative reality TV dancing careers. It's only drawback is that it's pretty much worthless at stopping little kids from growing littler kids from growing inside their stomachs.

With that nitpicky little detail in mind, Rep. Barbara Lee and Sen. Frank Lautenberg (baby-hating Democrats the both them) think maybe we should stop sinking billions of dollars into it…

A pair of Democrats introduced legislation in the House and Senate Tuesday to cut off funding for abstinence-only sexual education, which they said had wasted more than $1.5 billion over the last 15 years…

"We need to get serious about educating our young people about sex," added Rep. Barbara Lee (D-Calif.), the House sponsor. "Abstinence-only programs fail to address the challenge of unplanned pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections among our youth, which have reached a critical level."

The bill, known as the Repealing Ineffective and Incomplete Abstinence-Only Program Funding Act, would redirect $50 million spent annually on abstinence-only sexual education to "evidence-based, comprehensive sex education programs," according to a release from Lautenberg. The release cites as evidence that abstinence education doesn't work the relatively high teen pregnancy rate in the United States as well as the HIV infection rate among those under the age of 29.

Great idea!

Too bad they didn't introduce it last year when there was a sliver of an iota of a fraction of a scintilla's chance of it ever making it through congress.

But hey, cool sentiment, bro!

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, California, Frank Lautenberg, House of Representatives, New Jersey, Senate, Sex

Jon Stewart Looks at the Recent Palin Family Multimedia Controversplotion, and Jason Jones Guides Us Through His Bayonne, NJ

Sarah Palin pretending to fish, The Situation's golden condoms and a daylight Russian hooker fight all in the same clip! Only seven short years ago, science said such a thing was impossible. Science, bah!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Meanwhile, The Daily Show Facebook page is coming up on 2 million likes, so if you haven't yet, get over there and show your support.

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Facebook, Jason Jones, Jon Stewart, New Jersey, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Sex, Television, The Daily Show, The Situation, Video, Willow Palin

Bristol Palin and The Situation Team Up to Make Horrible Magic

I am not in any way exaggerating when I say that I had a very difficult time getting all the way through this… I don't even know what it is. A PSA for abstinence? A debate over safe sex vs. no sex? Some kind of a fetish video for people like pain in their eyeballs?

All I know is it stars Bristol Palin and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and it's one minute, forty-five seconds long. And I mean one minute, forty-five seconds looooooong. I had to take a number of breaks to get through the whole thing. Think you can do it in one shot? I will bet you a million suicide machines that you cannot…

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Sex, Television, The Situation