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ACORN
  • Prostitution Expert David Vitter Fights Funding for Prostitution Experts ACORN

    david-vitter-stupid-faceIn recent weeks lawmakers have been extremely busy with the extremely important task of defunding ACORN, but sometimes things, like sacks of money or lawmakers' genitalia, "slip through the cracks."

    So it was that $1 million in Homeland Security grant funding wound up going to ACORN's office in Louisiana, where one Senator was standing by to be outraged…

    [The ACORN grant] was one of only three such grants issued to the state and made up almost 80 percent of the firefighting money earmarked for Louisiana, prompting one of the U.S. senators from the state to demand that the funds be taken back.

    "I request that you rescind this grant based on a history of abuse of federal dollars by ACORN and their clear lack of expertise in this area," said Sen. David Vitter, Louisiana Republican.

    Obvious solution that doesn't involve the hassle of canceling a check: simply inform ACORN Louisiana that they must use the grant to fund prostitution training programs, because this plays to their expertise, and also because — as far as David Vitter is concerned — this is not necessarily an "abuse of federal dollars," assuming the prostitutes follow up by killing themselves.


    Tags: ACORN, David Vitter, Louisiana, Prostitution
  • Innocent Corporations Caught in ACORN Crossfire!

    acornIt all seemed so simple: get Congress to defund ACORN, so taxpayers would no longer be footing the bill for its brothel advisory services and imaginary murders. No sweat, right? The Senate writes up some proposals, the House writes up some proposals, we're all set to bury ACORN in a tin in the backyard, and then

    The Senate has twice adopted amendments cutting off funding for the Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now. The House has separately passed the "Defund ACORN Act," which goes beyond ACORN to prohibit funding for any organization that has filed fraudulent paperwork with the government or violated campaign finance laws.

    The Senate language might run afoul of the Constitution because it is so narrow and the House measure might be written too broadly, analysts say.

    Forget the Constitution, do you realize what's at stake here? If the House gets its way, the United States government would no longer be able to funnel $$ to some of its most favorite pals, like Boeing and Northrup Grumman, which — if we're being technical about it — have been caught selling defective gear to the Army and exporting weapons illegally. (Come on, easy mistakes to make.)

    Let's just pray that Congress finds a way to keep these hard-working corporations from being punished unfairly. And let's stay focused, shall we? It's the middle-aged ladies in community organizers' offices who are the real threat to democracy, not the nice executives on the defense contractors' golf courses.


    Tags: ACORN, House of Representatives, Senate
  • Finally! It's the Justice Department v. ACORN

    lamar-smith-verticalLadies and gentlemen, a new hero in the fight against ACORN: Rep. Lamar Smith of Texas, who has persuaded the Justice Department to open an internal investigation into whether or not ACORN received any grant money from the aforementioned Justice Department.

    (Btw, feel free to use that sentence in your own fight against Big Government, because apparently in this Democrat-controlled country you can't just check a spreadsheet and be like, "Yep, ten million for pimp training services," no, you have to do a whole 'investigation.')

    But back to Lamar Smith's heroism

    "As the primary federal law enforcement agency, the Justice Department has a responsibility to ensure that no organization receiving federal funds ignores our nation's laws," he said.

    Smith said ACORN has "fostered a culture of corruption." Smith has also called for the FBI to launch an investigation.

    Agreed, Rep. Smith! We cannot stand by while ACORN takes federal money for the purposes of being dishonest and corrupt and non-law-abiding.

    That would be a tragedy, especially considering the billions of dollars that have been poured into ACORN, and the thousands of American lives that have been lost, and the fact that ACORN didn't even have WMDs in the first place.


    Tags: ACORN, Lamar Smith
  • Tim Pawlenty Shows ACORN Who's Boss (Tim Pawlenty)

    tim-pawlenty-stupid-face
    You know what sucks? ACORN.

    You know who's not going to let his state give any more money to ACORN? Tim Pawlenty

    Saying he was concerned by "questionable behavior and potentially illegal activity" by ACORN, [Minnesota Gov.] Pawlenty ordered his budget office to "stop all state funding to ACORN unless the state is legally obligated to provide such funding."

    Yeah! You tell 'em, Tim! Oh, and one other thing…

    ACORN deputy political director Kevin Whelan said neither ACORN nor its partner, ACORN Housing Corp., is currently receiving funding from the state.

    Okay, whatever. Who says ACORN has to be receiving state funding from Minnesota in order for Tim Pawlenty to stop funding ACORN with funds they aren't receiving from the state of Minnesota? Please. Tim Pawlenty doesn't need "actual reality" dictating his policy decisions.

    Pawlenty/Unicorn '12!


    Tags: ACORN, Minnesota, Tim Pawlenty