News and comedy, comedy and news: we're keeping you on the edge of your tweet all week long.
Confused about the debt ceiling? Don't be! Picture the American economy as a house. The debt ceiling is the creepy guy hiding in the shrubbery with a gallon of gasoline and a book of matches.
Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Debt, Eric Cantor, Google, Hamid Karzai, Marcus Bachmann, Michele Bachmann, Roger Clemens, Rupert Murdoch, Twitter, Tworld News
The news, politics and humans in general are complicated. Twitter is simple. Comedians are here to bridge the gap:
Obama calls for fast troop removal plan in Afghanistan, implicitly confirms speculation that he's probably a terrorist.
Whitey Bulger may be suspected of 19 murders, but that's no reason to ignore the fact that his name is Whitey Bulger.
Tags: Afghanistan, Amish, Barack Obama, Bristol Palin, FBI, John McCain, Jon Huntsman, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Tworld News
The concept of pullout is an iffy one, whether we’re talking about a condomless one-night stand or, um, the war in Afghanistan. In both situations, there are matters of safety, etiquette, and timing to be considered.
And ultimately, someone’s going to have a lot of cleaning up to do…
President Obama’s national security team is contemplating troop reductions in Afghanistan that would be steeper than those discussed even a few weeks ago, with some officials arguing that such a change is justified by the rising cost of the war and the death of Osama bin Laden, which they called new "strategic considerations"…
The cost of the war and [Afghani President Hamid] Karzai’s uneven progress in getting his forces prepared have been latent issues since Mr. Obama took office. But in recent weeks they have gained greater political potency as Mr. Obama’s newly refashioned national security team takes up the crucial decision of the size and the pace of American troop cuts, administration and military officials said.
To sum up: President George W. Bush launched a futile war, installed a Big Oil puppet in Kabul, and spent 8 years trying to kill a bad guy. After less than 2.5 years in office, President Barack Obama nailed the aforementioned villain in question, who wasn't even in the country where we're fighting the aforementioned futile war. Obama thinks maybe some more of our troops should go home, and the puppet should start to actually be in charge of its own country, maybe, kinda, possibly? But probably that will not happen, and we'll be stuck in Afghanistan for another 10 worthless years, and more soldiers will die, and way more civilians than that will die, and everything will go to shit as history repeats itself.
Good times! Excuse us while we put our heads on our desks and cry now. Carry on!
Photo by Massoud Hossaini/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Hamid Karzai, Military, Osama bin Laden
* Look, everybody knows that Koreans and Jews are pretty much the same thing, which probably explains the preponderance of gochujang references in stand-up comedy. Nŏ-mu cho-a-yo!
* Taliban embraces Twitter as tool in continuing effort to better halt the influence of Western Society.
* Say what you will about Osama bin Laden, but the guy knew how to size up the value of a political leader.
Tags: Afghanistan, al Qaeda, Health Care, Islam, Jewish, Joe Biden, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Osama bin Laden, Religion, Science & Technology, Taliban, Terrorism, Twitter