The Only Thing Congress Can Agree on Is Antibiotic Corn Syrup Meat

The supercommittee may be deadlocked over minor issues like tax hikes and defense budget cuts, but apparently, they can still unite over their shared love of corn, soy and antibiotic-filled meat…

Lawmakers on the House and Senate Agriculture committees are trying to write a new five-year farm bill through the supercommittee process.

The legislators are using the supercommittee to avoid what would be a more public, election-year debate in 2012, when the current farm bill expires and new legislation would be scheduled for writing, according to critics of the effort.

“We call it the secret farm bill,” said one environmental activist, who worries that if the lawmakers succeed, it will prop up U.S. farm payments through 2017.

Unfortunately, "secret farm bill" is not some sexy new fragrance or plaid nightie. It's just the latest iteration of the controversial agriculture bill that subsidizes the Farm Belt's mass production of corn and soy-based food additives and keeps our chicken, beef and pork pumped full of delicious antibiotics.

We really should have seen this coming. Supercommittee co-chair Jeb Hensarling's hair is at least 20% hydrolyzed soy protein. Food-like products are as American as Apple Pie Flavor HLD6487. I mean, it's right there in the Pledge of Allegiance — one nation under God: (G)uar gum, (O)ctyl gallate, (D)imethylpolysiloxane.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Agriculture, Economy, Food, House of Representatives

From the Pork Barrel: Apologies Are in Order

* In the wake of sexual harassment allegations, Herman Cain's chief of staff Mark Block is demanding a full apology to America from the candidate. And by "the candidate," I mean Rick Perry.

* Looks like Perry wasn't drunk during that New Hampshire speech. That's either very comforting or extremely terrifying.

* Oh no! Some Evangelical leaders are concerned that liberals might not accept Mitt Romney in a general election because he's a… M Word.

* Michele Bachmann tells Iowans that she opposes subsidies for their precious precious ethanol.

* Rick Santorum has gone The Full Hawkeye.

Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Agriculture, Alcohol, Christianity, Energy & Oil, Herman Cain, Iowa, Mark Block, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Mormon, New Hampshire, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Religion, Rick Perry, Scandalgate

Stephen Colbert's Testimony Before Congress

Remember back in September of last year, when Stephen Colbert spoke before the House Judiciary Committee’s Subcommittee on Immigration, Citizenship, Refugees, Border Security, and International Law (more commonly known as the HJCSoICRBS&IL) concerning immigration and his brief stint as a migrant farm workers? Well, here's some web-only exclusive footage from his testimony…

Watch Stephen's coverage of Alabama's immigrant farm worker problem from last night's Report after the jump.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

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Tags: Agriculture, House of Representatives, Immigration, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

From the Pork Barrel: Rick Santorum Explains the Economy

* Now I don't feel so bad for not buying a wedding gift for my friends Steve and Harvey. Turns out their marriage killed the economy!

* Farmers appear to be absorbing conservative talking points faster than soybeans absorb Monsanto chemicals.

* Silly president. Martha's Vineyard is for fund raising, not vacationing.

* Faced the option of shoving his foot or food in his mouth, Rick Perry opts for food.

Photo by Darren McCollester/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Agriculture, Christine O’Donnell, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum

Michele Bachmann's Haiku for the Lamestream Media

Here at Indecision, we pride ourselves on being smarter than the New York Times, trashier than TMZ, and siren-ier than The Drudge Report. So, when we received an anonymously-sent manilla envelope stuffed full with poetry that may or may not have been written by one Michele Bachmann, we decided to do the right thing and print it without hesitation. However, because we are such responsible journalists, we've chosen to withhold some of the information we received (for now, anyway.)

The first offering is a beautifully agonizing expression of Bachmann's struggle with the mainstream media, which has lately been torturing her with accusations (read: facts) about her family farm. The cruel jerks on TV (hi, Anderson Cooper!) and in the newspapers (hi, Los Angeles Times!) and on the inter-webz (hi, Politico!) just can't seem to let go of the fact that the anti-big-government Bachmann denies receiving federal funds for her family's farm (even though federal tax documents show she did.)

A Haiku for the Lamestream Media

Farm subsidies? What?
Time to change the subject. Um…
Gays will eat your kids!

Michele Bachmann is your new Basho. Feel free to leave your own Bachmann-inspired haiku in the comments. And prepare for more beauteous Bachmann verse in the days and weeks to come.

Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Agriculture, Michele Bachmann, Money, Poetry, Primaries, Republicans