From the Pork Barrel: Country First

* Just getting our first look at Ed Harris in make-up as John McCain from HBO's Game Change. Pretty impressive. I assume they'll be doing the bending-over-backwards with CGI.

* You'd think Bill Clinton would have a better understanding of how the Internet works considering how his VP invented it.

* Glenn Beck promises "Restoring Courage" rally in Jerusalem this summer, which has got to be fulfilling at least one of those prophesies from the Book of Revelations.

* Newt Gingrich is large. He contains multitudes.

Image Credit: Courtesy of HBO

Tags: Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Glenn Beck, HBO, Internet, Israel, John McCain, Newt Gingrich, Pork Barrel, Religion, The Bible

Barack Obama Will Almost Certainly Definitely Maybe Lose in 2012 (Unless He Doesn't)

A brand new poll from CNN shows some pretty dour numbers for President Obama's 2012 chances for reelection…

With less than a year to go till the Iowa caucus on February 6, 2012, the conventional wisdom is that President Obama is vulnerable, but there is no Republican who can beat him.

In a new CNN poll, 26% of registered voters say they will definitely vote for Obama and 37% say they won't. If you add in those leaning one way or the other, it turns out that 47% will probably or definitely vote for Obama and 51% probably or definitely won't.

51 percent say that "probably or definitely won't"? That's a lot of percent. I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think that's even more than half. Doesn't he need at least half of the vote to win? No? Well, he definitely needs more than the other candidates at least. No to that one, too?

Alright, well, whatever. These polls numbers gathered a year before the election season officially kicks off certainly mean something, don't they? Oh, come on.

(via Brooklyn Mutt)

Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Polls, Ronald Reagan, Ross Perot

Al Gore Explains Climate Change to Science-Genius Bill O'Reilly

In case you haven't noticed, all the snow and cold weather we've been experiencing so far this winter has incontrovertibly disproved the concept of man-made global warming. Just as it does every year. It's kind of weird how the vast majority of climatologists can not notice such obvious proof. Well, I suppose if they were really smart, they wouldn't be climatologists; they'd be Fox News hosts.

Which reminds me: After proving the existence of God last month, Bill O'Reilly followed up that slam dunk by knocking Al Gore's pet cause down a peg or two on his show the other day.

And Al Gore has responded…

Last week on his show Bill O’Reilly asked, "Why has southern New York turned into the tundra?" and then said he had a call into me. I appreciate the question.

As it turns out, the scientific community has been addressing this particular question for some time now and they say that increased heavy snowfalls are completely consistent with what they have been predicting as a consequence of man-made global warming:

"In fact, scientists have been warning for at least two decades that global warming could make snowstorms more severe. Snow has two simple ingredients: cold and moisture. Warmer air collects moisture like a sponge until it hits a patch of cold air. When temperatures dip below freezing, a lot of moisture creates a lot of snow."

"A rise in global temperature can create all sorts of havoc, ranging from hotter dry spells to colder winters, along with increasingly violent storms, flooding, forest fires and loss of endangered species."

Oh yeah? But it snowed! It snowed! The snow comes in, the snow goes out. You can't explain that.

Check and mate.

Tags: Al Gore, Bill O'Reilly, Climate Change, Fox, Science & Technology, Weather

Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Asks "What If He'd Had Modern Technology?"

Hello, citizens of the People's Republic of UncleSamistan! 'Tis I, your devoted Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, Sara Benincasa, here to present you with a highly serious, potentially groundbreaking investigative report from our nation's capital. By the way, said capital is Washington, D.C., which is a district and not a state. Were you aware of this fact? Probably not! That is why I am here, to educate you on the finer points of citizenship.

To that end, I traveled into the heart of the city with a top-notch Indecision crew in order to consider how history might have changed if some of our great American presidents had possessed important objects like smartphones and laptop computers. I also examined what effect The Internets might have had on life in the olden tymes. And in my pursuit of truth, I learned a few things: First, history lasted for a really long time. Second, there are a lot of National Historic Landmarks in Washington, D.C. Third, you are not allowed to shoot a humorous joke-video at the foot of that giant Lincoln statue/thing unless you have something called a "permit." Zounds!

And now, behold the fruits of our laborious labors. Let us journey deep into the most exciting city in the history of cities and consider: "What If He'd Had Modern Technology?" In this case, the pronoun "he" refers to any one of a number of past American chief executives. Do you comprehend this concept? Excellent! You are now prepared to watch the best thing that has ever been captured on video. Tally-ho!

Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Al Gore, Cramming for Midterms, George W. Bush, Internet, Midterms, Rally to Restore Sanity, Sara Benincasa, Science & Technology, Video, Washington DC, William Henry Harrison, William Howard Taft

A South Park Salute to Presidents, Hopefuls and Wannabes

Hundreds of thousands of hundreds of years from now, when future civilizations unearth the ruins of what once was the great and mighty United States of America, what will they view as being more historically significant: South Park or the office of the President?

It's hard to say. One is a collection of crass, immature, scatological jokes and the other is a cartoon…

Barack Obama & John McCain

More videos after the jump.

The second half of South Park's 14th season premieres next Wednesday, October 6 at 10pm / 9c, followed by an all-new Ugly Americans.

And the Little Box of Butters DVD set — complete with a lost chapter from the literary classic "The Poop that Took a Pee" — is available now.

Read More »

Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, John Kennedy, John McCain, Richard Nixon, Sarah Palin, South Park, Ted Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson, Video