Latest Posts
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Our Endorsements: The Onion's Guide to Mitt Romney
* The Onion's guide to Mitt Romney uncovers his many layers.
* Martin Short tells Letterman about his political faux pas.
* Obama is Snoopy and Romney is Charlie Brown. It works.
* Debate performances of elections past, to warm up your cringe muscle.
* Allen West is not normal, from Hahajk.
* College Humor defines Mitt Romney Style.
* Stephen Colbert talks to George Stephanopoulos about his new book and giant sodas.
* And here he is 15 years ago on Good Morning America. Hasn't aged a bit!
* We hope Romney uses some of his improv training during the debate.
* McSweeney's goes over the formats for Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates.
Tags: Allen West, David Axelrod, David Letterman, Debates, George Stephanopoulos, Good Morning America, Martin Short, Mitt Romney, Stephen Colbert, Tweet Untweet, Twitter, vice president -
Allen West's New Ad Is Crazy Like a Fox
You can't deny that Allen West's new ad is incredibly effective and well-made. It's like an episode of 24 in which it's Jack Bauer's mission to make sure a batshit insane man is re-elected to Congress or else the terrorists win…
Tags: Advertising, Allen West, Patrick Murphy -
Allen West Submits Resume for Secretary of State
Win, lose or draw, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said she won't be rejoining the Obama administration after the 2012 elections. Speculation for her replacement as the nation's top diplomat has focused on Senator John Kerry, but following President Obama's speech to the U.N. General Assembly, Congressman Allen West has thrown his hat into the ring.In a statement on his Facebook page, West outlined how he would have dealt with roiling waves of anger washing over the Muslim world…
My statement to the United Nations would have been, "The future does not belong to those who attack our Embassies and Consulates and kill our Ambassadors. The Angel of Death in the form of an American Bald Eagle will visit you and wreak havoc and destruction upon your existence."
The last few weeks have been a reminder that the American right of free expression can be abused for nefarious ends, but West's remarks offer an opportunity for the United States to show the world why we value unrestricted speech so highly: If we can Samuel L. Jackson to do a dramatic reading of West's statement, I'm sure liberty will be redeemed in the eyes of the world.
Photo by David Silverman/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Allen West, State Department, United Nations -
Democrats Were Against God Before They Were For Him
So claims a just-released ad from the congressional campaign of Rep. Allen West, who is "leading the fight against the radical left's attack on God and Israel." Let's break down the herp-derp…
* The fauxtroversy began when conservative news outlets noted that the 2012 Democratic platform omitted references to God (while maintaining a large section on faith) and didn't explicitly affirm Jerusalem as the capital of special-est Middle Eastern country that ever was. Democrats were foiled by a Crtl-F search! Just include a reference to "Goddamned Jerusalem" and this would have all been avoided.
Tags: Advertising, Allen West, Antonio Villaraigosa, Democratic National Convention, Democrats, Israel, Religion -
Quote Unquote: The Communist Threat
Bill Clinton responds to Rep. Allen West's claim to knowledge of up to 80 communists in the congressional Democratic caucus…
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"Nobody has seen a communist in over a decade."
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Maybe. But Emmanuel Goldstein is always out there… Lying in wait… Biding his time…
Hanging out with that pig Snowball, no doubt.
Tags: Allen West, Bill Clinton, Communism, House of Representatives, Quote Unquote
