Allen West: 80 House Democrats Are Members of the Communist Party

This campaign cycle is the worst sequel to Hot Tub Time Machine, ever. At least the '80s gave us E.T. and Super Mario Bros. Our present 1950s time warp is all about retrograde attitudes toward women, trouble with Russia and, naturally, a dollop of McCarthyism.

The latter comes courtesy of Florida Republican and Sarah Palin's preferred Vice Presidential nominee Allen West, who told constituents at a Tuesday town hall in Palm City that he's "heard" that up to 80 of his Democratic colleagues in the House are Communist Party members. There's no word on whether he held a list of Democratic-Communists in his hand, but the Palm Beach Posts reports that "he wouldn't name names."

West's comments are setting off a storm of snark, but it's important to remember that "up to 80" could mean "zero." As in, up to 10 Florida Congressmen have had carnal relations with dolphins. Up to 30 Senate Democrats drink the blood of aborted babies for brunch. Up to 80 House Republicans masturbate to pictures of Newt Gingrich cuddling with zoo animals.

If you're going to speak in mathematical inequalities, you have to precise. As in, more than zero but less than two Florida congressmen have left the military after being charged with the torture of an Iraqi police officer.

Photo by David Silverman/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Allen West, Communism, Democrats, Florida, Republicans

Sarah Palin and John McCain Trade Crazy Vice Presidential Suggestions

Now that Mitt Romney's grip on the Republican nomination is more secure than a dog kennel fastened to a car roof, speculation naturally turns to the question of potential running mates. Who can best help Romney articulate the hopeful message that Barack Obama has driven the proverbial car into the economic basement and only a man with a garage elevator can lift it out?

Well, Katy bar the door, Sarah Palin has an idea on this front…

"Top of my list is Allen West," she said. "I love that he has that military experience. He is a public servant willing to serve for the right reasons. He understands the Constitution. He understands our national foreign policy issues that must be addressed. He has served. I really like him. There are so many, Sean, that are out there. And when I talk about going rogue, what I want to do is encourage the GOP nominee to not think that they have to go with somebody necessarily safe that conventional wisdom perhaps would lead somebody to believe that, if it’s somebody, quote-unquote, safe, that they’re not going to get beat up by the media, because no matter who it is."

You may recall Allen West as the delightful Florida congressman who has compared himself to Harriet Tubman and the Democrats to Nazis, so at least she's won the irresponsible vice-presidential suggestion Olympics. No way anyone is going to top her.

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Tags: Allen West, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Veepstakes

Rep. Allen West's Comparisons of Democrats to Nazis Are Being Twisted to Sound Like He's Comparing Democrats to Nazis

This is going to blow your mind!

According to a new poll, more Americans are inclined to pin the blame for Congress's ineptitude on Republicans than on Democrats. What?! How can people even think that? Where would they possibly get an idea like that?

Do you know who's got to be behind this nonsense? The Democrats! It's got to be the Democrats! Don't you think so, Rep. Allen West?

"If Joseph Goebbels was around, he'd be very proud of the Democrat Party, because they have an incredible propaganda machine," West told reporters during House votes Thursday afternoon.

And wouldn't you know it, but the Democrats managed to take that quote, feed it through their "incredible propaganda machine" and somehow make it seem as though Rep. West was comparing the Democratic Party to Nazis! Can you believe that?! They are truly evil Nazi-like geniuses of manipulation.

Of course, West isn't going to take that kind of demagoguery lying down…

"I'm talking about propaganda, OK," he said. "Don't start taking my words and twisting it around. I'm talking about propaganda. And I think that's a very important thing."

I'm glad that somebody has the guts to stand up to the Democrats. If you don't keep them in check, they'll be goose-stepping into Poland and segregating undesirables into ghettos in no time.

What?! That's a metaphor! How dare you even consider taking my words all out of context like that?!

Tags: Allen West, Democrats, House of Representatives, Nazis, Polls, Republicans

From the Pork Barrel: MLK vs. OWS

* Rep. Allen West says that Martin Luther King would not have supported Occupy Wall Street. Probably not. He'd have been too busy swimming in that Olympic-sized pool full of gold doubloons he was famous for.

* President Obama's jobs plan is looking like it just might be a bigger success than anyone expected. It's looking like it might maybe save one job. Maybe. (Two, if you count VP as a job.)

* The Obama administration has come out and accused Mitt Romney of wanting to be president. Considering the source, that might actually be some pretty damning criticism.

* Herman Cain is losing big time in the Pizza Caucus.

Tags: Allen West, Barack Obama, Food, Herman Cain, House of Representatives, Martin Luther King, Mitt Romney, Occupy Wall Street, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Unemployment

From the Pork Barrel: Jobs!

* President Obama announces jobs plan that does not need Congressional approval. (Wonder how he got John Boehner to sign off on that.)

* Rep. Allen West may quit Congressional Black Caucus due to its racially-tinged rhetoric against the Tea Party. (Yes, those words are in fact in the right order.)

* President Perry to impose term limits on Supreme Court justices. Well, the liberal ones at any rate.

* Joe Biden says his boss is both "bright" and "straight." What, he's not "clean" anymore?

* The Onion: New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going to Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse and There's Nothing We Can Do About It

Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images

Tags: Allen West, Barack Obama, Books, Dick Cheney, House of Representatives, Joe Biden, John Boehner, Pork Barrel, Rick Perry, The Onion, Unemployment