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American Family Association
  • Conservatives Running Away from Conservative Conference Because Some Gays Might Show Up

    Uh oh! Looks like some of the heads of conservative movement's "values voters" wing has caught wind that some gay people are planning on attending their annual orgiastic patriot party.

    Can't risk being associated with those types

    Some of the nation's most prominent social conservatives are sending a message to their economic brethren by dropping out of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in response to the decision to include GOProud, a gay conservative group, as a participating organization.

    "The base-line reason is that homosexuality is not a conservative value," said Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association's director of issue analysis. "It's the conservative PAC, not the libertarian PAC."…

    Other social-issues groups opting to avoid the conference include the Heritage Foundation, the Family Research Council, the Center for Military Readiness, the American Family Association, the American Principles Project, the Liberty Counsel and the National Organization for Marriage.

    I cannot even imagine the cognitive gymnastic ability needed to be an out gay-person and an avowed conservative these days. It must be like manning a gun turret in a fighter plane while fist swordfighting with all your fellow crewmen at the same time. Except with about a third of the other crewmen trying to grab your package when they think no one's looking. just seems like a lot to deal with.

    Tags: American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, Christianity, Conservatives, CPAC, Family Research Council, GOProud, LGBT, National Organization for Marriage, Religion, Republicans
  • Hate Group Boycotts Home Depot for Being a Non-Hate Company

    You know, until a few minutes ago, I really had no strong opinion about Home Depot other than that I'm too intimidated to talk to the guys who works the lumber department and always need to make my girlfriend go in to get stuff for me.*

    However, that's all changed just now that I've just now discovered that the American Family Association — which has previously blown the whistle on Adolf Hitler's gayness and called for Muslims to be purged from the U.S. military for being Muslim — has instituted a boycott against Home Depot for continually giving "its financial and corporate support to open displays of homosexual activism on main streets in America's towns" instead of just "remain[ing] neutral in the culture war" like a good little depot.

    I had no idea that I like Home Depot so much! Hey, Home Depot! You are the best depot! And look, the AFA even provides a list of all the human and decent things that the chain of hammer-and-nail stores has done over the years. Including…

    * In June 2010, The Home Depot set up a "Kids Workshop" as a vendor at the Southern Maine Pride Festival and parade.

    * In 2009, The Home Depot gave over $5,000 to be a major sponsor of the Nashville Gay Pride Festival. It also sponsored parades in Atlanta, Kansas City, Portland and San Diego.

    * The Home Depot offers insurance benefits that cover sex-changes operations for employees. That insurance also extends to same-sex partners of homosexual employees, proving The Home Depot considers gay couples as "married."

    * In 2008, The Home Depot sponsored the Durham Pride Weekend with a kid's workshop and parade march. The events include "massages for couples" and "Drag Shows."

    * As early as 2005, The Home Depot placed a full-page ad in the Out & Equal homosexual workplace conference program guide.

    I feel like the AFA does deserve some thanks for providing us with this useful information.

    So, thanks, bigoted hate group, for letting me know about all this! You're the best worst!

    Now, let's all go buy some lumber!

    (via Reddit)


    * For, like, all of the lumber-related home projects I'm always working on. Like, for example… (I actually don't even know enough about lumber-related home projects to finish this joke.)

    Tags: American Family Association, LGBT
  • Right-Wing Radio Host Offers Startling Revelation About Adolf Hitler's Gayness That Nobody Else Has Ever Heard Of

    Bryan Fischer isn't just conservative values radio host of prominent member of the right-wing American Family Association. Oh no! He's also an expert on history.

    Well, World War II history, specifically.

    Okay, Nazi World War II history specifically specifically.

    Um, gay Nazi World War II history specifically specifically specifically.

    Er, pulled-completely-out-of-his-ass gay Nazi World War II history specifically specifically specifically specifically. It's a niche subject, but apparently full of potential revelations. Such as…

    "So Hitler himself was an active homosexual. And some people wonder, didn't the Germans, didn't the Nazis, persecute homosexuals? And it is true they did; they persecuted effeminate homosexuals. But Hitler recruited around him homosexuals to make up his Stormtroopers, they were his enforcers, they were his thugs.

    "And Hitler discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits and the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whomever Hitler sent them after.

    "So he surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Browshirts, were male homosexuals."

    Also, Mussolini was on the advisory board for ACORN. It's totally true.

    (via Videogum)

    Tags: Adolf Hitler, American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, LGBT, Nazis, WWII
  • Christian Group Shows the World Its Christian Values Following Fort Hood Tragedy

    Everyone be quiet! Quiet! Some guy who claims to represent the magic man who lives in the sky has something very important to say about some other people who claim to represent some other magic man who lives in the sky…

    A chief spokesman for the pro-life, far-right organization, American Family Association, has called for the purging of Muslim soldiers from military ranks in the wake of the tragic killings at Fort Hood.

    Really? Really?! This comes as a huge shock to me, given how much these Christian right groups have time and time again shown how much respect they have for equality, civil liberties and Constitutional ideals.

    But, hey hey hey hey! Don't walk away under the impression that the AFA or its Director of Issues Analysis Bryan Fischer thinks that every single Muslim (technical) citizen of the United States is just bursting at the chance to kill a real (white) American…

    "Of course, most U.S. Muslims don't shoot up their fellow soldiers. Fine."

    See? Totally open-minded.

    "As soon as Muslims give us a foolproof way to identify their jihadis from their moderates, we'll go back to allowing them to serve."

    Thanks, Christians! How Christ-like you are.

    "You tell us who the ones are that we have to worry about, prove you're right, and Muslims can once again serve. Until that day comes, we simply cannot afford the risk. You invent a jihadi-detector that works every time it's used, and we'll welcome you back with open arms."

    "This is not Islamophobia, it is Islamo-realism."

    I can't even Islamo-bring myself to Islamo-give an Islamo-real response to Islamo-this.

    It's just way too Christ-arded.

    Tags: American Family Association, Christianity, Fort Hood, Islam, Military, Religion