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Andrew Cuomo
  • Carl Paladino Goes Retro-Chic with Anti-Gay Parade Remarks

    GOP gubernatorial candidate and known adulterer Carl Paladino may be the key element in some sort of plot to remind snooty New Yorkers that they, too, can generate ignorant freakshows on par with Alaska's Sarah Palin, Delaware's Christine O'Donnell and Australifornia's Mel Gibson.

    On Sunday, he made a very special effort to bond with Orthodox Jews…

    "That's not how God created us," Paladino said of being gay, "and that's not the example that we should be showing our children."

    He added that children who later in life choose to marry people of the opposite sex and raise families would be "much better off and much more successful."

    "I don't want them to be brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option," he said.

    Predictably, the mainstream media flipped out. (Isn't it nice when they get all hot and bothered about something that actually matters instead of, say, Lindsay Lohan's latest South American nose Drano purchase?) In response, Paladino explained that opponent Andrew Cuomo abuses his own children with live gay porn

    "For God's sake, he exposed his children to that nonsense of extremists of the gay pride parade. Would you do that? You have children. Would you take your children to the gay pride parade?" Paladino asked a reporter amid a crush of cameras that would eventually follow him the entire Fifth Avenue parade route along the east side of Central Park.

    Asked if the gay parade is offensive, Paladino said, "Yea, because they wear these little Speedos and they grind that against each other, and I don't think little children should be exposed to that."

    Kudos to Carl Paladino for using the world's oldest argument against gay pride parades. He really is intent on bringing old-fashioned moral values back to Albany.

    Tags: Andrew Cuomo, Carl Paladino, Jewish, LGBT, New York, Religion
  • Tworld News: Week of September 13, 2010

    Finding out that your weekly news consumption could be entertaining is like finding out that your (something else that sucks) could be entertaining…

    Christine O'Donnell could kill so many birds with one stone by hacking into the internet at large and replacing all porn with closeup shots of Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus.

    Moving to France to become a mime still remains an awesome idea.

    "Wait, they're both on Comedy Central but they have competing rallies? I don't get it" -Someone Stupid

    The two party system is the tomato of political structures– always polarizing, but juiciest when ruptured. And tastiest on mozzarella.

    Terry Jones now regrets having not gone through with 'International Burn a $200k Bill From Your Local Government For Security Costs' day.

    Which town? Oh, you know. No, I don't know, which town are you talking about? You know, the one with the guys. The guys? Yeah, the guys and that thing. Oh, the town. Yeah, The Town. Ok.

    Jimmy Carter; making Reagan look good since ~1981.

    Hold me closer tiny Bristol.

    Recent polls show Paladino rapidly approaching Cuomo. This is why Rick Lazio continues to take a strong anti-polling stance.

    Get more hilarious news updates from @TheIndecider!

    Read More »

    Tags: Andrew Cuomo, Bristol Palin, Christine O’Donnell, France, Jimmy Carter, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Terry Jones, Tworld News
  • Father's Day Greetings: Like Father, Like Son

    Politicians! They're just like us. They wake up in the morning, get driven in a limousine to their breakfast table, and then take a shower in the tears of the downtrodden. Why, some of them even have families, I hear.

    And just like in any family, there's always some pressure to measure up, to follow in dear ol' dad's footsteps, to act upon the genetically-bequeathed blood lust to rule with a tyrant's vice-like grip over the lowly proletariat. And, as such, this weekend, some very special fathers can expect some very special Father's Day cards…


    From: Kentucky Senate hopeful Rand Paul
    To: Texas Rep. Ron Paul

    More cards after the jump…

    Read More »

    Tags: Andrew Cuomo, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Harry Reid, House of Representatives, John Quincy Adams, Mario Cuomo, Nevada, New York, Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Senate
  • David Paterson Will Not Seek Losing Election This Fall

    It appears as though unpopular and un-re-electable New York Governor David Paterson has decided to not anti-seek un-re-election (although, to be fair, he was never actually elected to begin with, so he can really only not anti-seek un-re-inauguration, techically speaking)…

    Paterson has been under fire for having contacted a woman who accused one of his top aides of domestic violence.

    The source said the governor has agreed not to seek election, but he will not resign – opting to serve out the remainder of his term.

    The decision clears the way for Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, who is the favorite of many Democrats, to seek the nomination unimpeded.

    I think it's kind of unfair to imply that this "aide domestic violence scandal" is what's finally sinking Paterson's chances in November. The larger and slower-burning "being a pretty much just shitty governor scandal" probably has a lot more to do with it.

    At any rate, as far as I'm aware, Andrew Cuomo doesn't yet have a sex scandal in the cooker. So, he'd better get on that shit. We have expectations for our governors.

    Tags: Andrew Cuomo, David Paterson, New York
  • Mr. Nine Eleven Decides Not to Nine Eleven in Nine Eleven.

    Nine eleven nine eleven, nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven. Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven! Nine eleven nine eleven nine?


    Former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani has decided not to run for governor of New York next year after months of mulling a candidacy, according to people who have been told of the decision.

    Nine eleven nine eleven?

    It was not clear what prompted the decision, but the prospect of potentially facing Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo, who is quietly planning his own run for governor on the Democratic ticket, may not have appealed to Mr. Giuliani, who suffered a bruising defeat in the 2008 Republican presidential primary. While many political analysts believe Mr. Giuliani would have comfortably beaten Gov. David A. Paterson, he would likely have faced an uphill battle against Mr. Cuomo, one of the most popular politicians in the state.

    Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven. Nine eleven nine eleven nine: eleven nine eleven; nine eleven nine eleven; nine eleven nine; eleven nine.

    Eleven nine eleven.

    Update: Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven. Nine eleven?!?!

    Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani has decided not to run for governor next year – but will run for U.S. Senate instead, sources told the Daily News.

    If elected, the source said, he could use that as a stepping stone to run for President in 2012 — rather than run for re-election to the Senate.

    Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven.

    Tags: 9/11, Andrew Cuomo, New York, Rudy Giuliani, Senate