Goodbye Forever (Until Next Week)

All right, that's it, Team Indecision is off for the holiday, so we can wage war on/celebrate Christmas. We'll see you back here December 26th.

Your present from us is this video of three cats, a couple of dogs and a terrifying marionette performing "Meowy Navidad."

It Takes an American Eagle to Snatch a Baby

For those of us who wanted to believe, it came as sad news that this "Golden Eagle Snatches Kid" video was a hoax concocted by students at Centre NAD in Montreal. We should have been suspicious from the start: a Canadian eagle wouldn't so much as flutter a hair on a baby's head without squawking a profuse apology in English and French, as required by Canadian law.

No, to snatch a baby, it takes a powerful eagle. A manly eagle. An American eagle. History proves it:

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Join Our Traditional Celebration of Tom Vilsack's Birthday

Some of you may remember our Traditional Celebration of New Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. For those of you who do not remember that, click these words.

Today Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack turns 62. In the rural hamlet where I was raised, locals always marked the Agriculture Secretary's birthday by gathering in the town square to recite facts about the Agriculture Secretary while gazing at pictures of hedgehogs. Then we ate cake and drowned the witches.

So it is my pleasure to begin this celebration of Tom Vilsack's birthday.

Tom Vilsack says the USDA wouldn't allow manufacturers to use pink slime if it wasn't safe. He should know, right? He's the Agriculture Secretary.

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Best Write-In Votes of 2012 National Tournament

From Jesus Christ to Ron Paul to Your Mom, thousands of not-on-the-ballot candidates received votes in this year's election. Some of the most creative entries came from Georgia's 10th Congressional District, where evolution-denying doctor Paul Broun faced no Democratic opponent but had to fend-off a write-in challenge from the ghost Charles Darwin.

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5 Best Deleted Petitions from the White House Website

The Obama administration claims to be in favor of transparency and civic participation, but lately, it's been deleting citizens' petitions from the "We the People" website, undoubtedly a prequel to the mass purges of political dissidents soon to befall the United States. And to think, all these people were petitioning for was a right to punch Grover Norquist "once, and only once, square in the dick." Was that too much to ask?

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