Latest Posts

Animals
  • MoveOn Ad Features Rafalca Impersonator (or Imhorseator Maybe)

    While Rafalca — the most-personable and least-embarrassing member of the Romney family — was busy doing America proud in Europe today, MoveOn.org released this web ad, featuring the world-famous dressage horse…

    Okay, so, I have a number of questions concerning this ad…

    First of all, that's not the real Rafalca, is it? Because I think that would be a stunning betrayal, and far too classless an act for the Rafalca I've come to know.

    Also, how exactly is the amount of money that the Romney's spend on their Olympic-competing horse relevant? Am I supposed to get angry because multi-millionaires Mitt and Ann Romney have bunch of money to spend on something that they care about? I kinda knew that going in; that's sort of the definition of "multi-millionaire," isn't it? If the point is that I'm supposed to get mad at the Romneys for being rich, shouldn't I also get mad at Barack Obama for being rich?

    Finally — and this is the biggest question — how did they get that horse to remember all its lines. And don't tell me that it's reading off a teleprompter, because I'm not so stupid as to believe that horses can read.


    Tags: Animals, Ann Romney, Mitt Romney, Money, MoveOn, Olympics, Sports
  • By 2052, America Will Be Governed Exclusively by Cats

    Straight-line extrapolation is fraught with peril, but there's little denying we're either headed toward purr-adise or — depending on your level of optimism regarding the benevolence of our future animal overlords — cat-astrophe. Consider the following timeline…

    July 1776: ZERO households pets or farm animals in positions of governmental responsibility.

    1938: Boston Curtis, a donkey, wins the post of Republican precinct committeeman for Milton, Washington, as part of a hoax orchestrated by the town's Democratic mayor.

    1981: Bosco, a mix of black Labrador and Rottweiler, elected to be honorary mayor of Sunol, California. He soon had his paws in foreign policy. After the Chinese Communist Peoples Daily used his election as proof that democratic elections don't work, Bosco joined in a pro-democracy rally outside the Chinese consulate in San Francisco.

    2008: Lucy Lou, a border collie, becomes mayor of Rabbits Hash, Kentucky.

    2012: Stubbs the cat celebrates his 15th year in office as mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska. Keyboard Cat makes a run for president. And in one of the more watched cat-paigns , Hank runs for U.S. Senate in the open Virginia seat on a platform of "milk in every bowl."

    Notice the rabid acceleration in the animal-political population as well as the changing demographics within this elite group.  Though many dyspeptic observers believe America is going to the dogs, the trend appears to be toward cats.

    At a time of record-level distrust in large institutions, when 65% of Americans have a negative view of the federal government, maybe notoriously independent-minded felines are the right answer for our trust deficit. Most cats won't cuddle up to the special interests. Or to anyone else for that matter.

    Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Animals
  • Democrats Apologetic for Offending Ann Romney and Her Horse

    The Democratic National Committee thought it was being soooo clever when it released this ad series called "Mitt Dancing Around the Issues," featuring Rafalca, Ann Romney's dressage horse that will be competing in the London Olympics later this month…

    However, what they failed to consider is that they are a bunch of inconsiderate jerks

    Ann Romney, who trains with show horses as part of her therapy for multiple sclerosis, took offense in an interview with Robin Roberts on "Good Morning America," and now the DNC is saying it will put out no more horse videos, and is expressing regret for offending Ann Romney.

    "Our use of the Romneys' dressage horse was not meant to offend Mrs. Romney in any way, and we regret it if it did," DNC spokesman Brad Woodhouse told ABC News…

    This is already a brutal campaign, but the Obamas have long said families are off limits. Apparently somebody high up reminded the DNC of that.

    That's right! Families are off limits! And that includes horses! Rafalca Romney didn't do anything to anybody. He is an innocent horse and does not deserve to be dragged through the muck for political gain. Shame on the Democrats for the mental harm they have no doubt inflicted upon this beautiful animal.

    I just hope they didn't put him too much in his head before he has to compete.


    Tags: Advertising, Animals, Ann Romney, DNC, Mitt Romney
  • Newt Gingrich Excited to Talk About Zoos with Snooki?

    I don't know how this quickly-deleted tweet from New Gingrich registers with you, but I'm thinking this has got to be some kind of secret code, right? It has to be…

    Zoos and animals… Snooki… Leno… Three exclamation marks… What does it all mean?

    I suppose we could take it at face value and assume it means that Newt Gingrich is all amped up to talk about zoo animals with Jersey Shore star Snooki on national television tonight.

    But isn't that actually weirder than the secret code possibility?


    Tags: Animals, Newt Gingrich, Twitter
  • Alaska Town Has Been Governed by a Cat for Nearly 15 Years

    No one has quite been able to explain the Sarah Palin phenomenon to me. Yes, Alaska's old boy network of establishment Republicans and corrupt oil interests was ripe for a maverick-y shake-up, but Sarah Palin? As a governor of a whole state?

    That kind of non-conformity to reality only makes sense when you consider the case of Talkeetna, Alaksa, a 900-person town with a cat for a mayor

    The part-manx was named honorary mayor shortly after his birth, and now locals all know the cat as "Mayor Stubbs."

    As the story goes, 15 years ago several of the town residents didn't like the candidates who were running for mayor of Talkeetna, so as a joke, they encouraged enough people to elect Stubbs the cat as a write-in candidate, and he actually won.

    Those who expect this feline to manage the budgetary kitty or provide inspired leadership will be sorely disappointed, because this fat cat spends most of its time holding court at the local general store where he "has catnip in a wine glass," according to one local resident.

    Nevertheless, the honorary mayor is credited with boosting tourism to the town, where 30 to 40 people ask to see him daily. That's probably more than Barack Obama's stimulus projects have done for Alaska's economy, showing that regular replacement of Mayor Stubbs' litter box is the one kind of Change We Can Believe In.

    Photo via Facebook


    Tags: Alaska, Animals, Extremely Local Politics