Tworld News: Week of June 10, 2011

If it weren't for Twitter, where else would comedians be able to discuss political happenings (in 140-character messages)?

Vital Gingrich staffers leave campaign in part due to clash with wife. Wives; can't live with'em, can't have mildly funny divorce-centric jokes without'em.

In Palin's defense, the whole Paul Revere thing is based on a poem anyway, and everybody knows that poetry is a huge part of the gay agenda.

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Tags: Andrew Breitbart, Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, Callista Gingrich, Herman Cain, Jack Kevorkian, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, Tworld News

From the Pork Barrel: Sarah Palin's Famous Ride

* Sarah Palin just released a new promotional video for her non-publicity-seeking tour. I hope, for her sake, that nobody watches it.

* Rick Santorum: "There are vile people out there who do horrible things." Must be tough on the campaign trail. Everything's gotta be me me me all the time.

* Andrew Breitbart falls prey to the Curse of Anthony Weiner's Penis.

* Mark Foley looking to get in on sweet sex scandal publicity going around.

* Newt Gingrich's campaign fires Newt Gingrich.

Tags: Andrew Breitbart, Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, House of Representatives, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, Scandalgate

A Star Is Born: The David Vitter & Anthony Weiner Version

Ben Greenman's musical got me thinking. We need more spectacle in the blogosphere. And, as much as I love musicals, that's not really my forté. I'm much better at writing Arthur Miller-style heart-wrenching gritty dramas. So, take a look at this when you get a chance. It's kind of a work in progress.

The curtain rises on two Republican politicians speaking to one another.

Republican #1: So, about Weiner. We're gonna make this guy resign, right?

Republican #2: Oh, totally! There's no way that we can allow a man with such low moral principles to serve in the highly esteemed United States Congress.

Republican #1: Exactly! Our bicameral legislative branch is a shining paragon of morality. It can never be sullied by the base habits of a man who uses his genitals for anything other than the sacred act of procreation.

Republican #2: I couldn't have said it better myself. And another thing–

Sen. David Vitter enters, interrupts.

Sen. David Vitter: Hey, guys! Wassup?! Listen, you're coming to my fundraiser tonight, right? Gotta keep the ol' Vitter doin' his thang on the Senate floor, comprende?

Republican #1: Oh, absolutely!

Republican #2: I wouldn't miss it for anything!

Sen. David Vitter: Excellent. I'll see you over there. Gotta make a quick pit stop at drugstore and pick up some Huggies for my, uh… baby… Alright, goodbye.

Sen. David Vitter leaves.

Republican #1: So, who do you like for President?

Republican #1: I'm leaning toward Newt.

Black out.

Inspired by this segment from The Rachel Maddow Show…

Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

Tags: Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, Bob Livingston, David Vitter, House of Representatives, Larry Flynt, MSNBC, Porn, Prostitution, Rachel Maddow, Senate, Sex

Weiner! The Musical

Ben Greenman really manages to stir the emotions and touch the human spirit in this musical adaptation of this week's penis-related political scandal from McSweeney's…

[The online conversations begin to turn flirtatious.]

ANTHONY WEINER
The way you make me feel, you know
Is making my trust grow and grow

FEMALE SCREEN NAME #3
I hope you don't just mean your trust
I rubbed the keyboard on my bust

ANTHONY WEINER
Can I call you on the phone?
Can we have a kind of date?

FEMALE SCREEN NAME #4
The prospect of your voice, you know
Makes my pulse accelerate.

ANTHONY WEINER
I took my shoes off, and my shirt.

FEMALE SCREEN NAME #5
The thought of that just drenched my skirt.

[ANTHONY WEINER, taken by the charms of the FEMALE SCREEN NAMES #1-5, considers sending explicit photographs.]

ANTHONY WEINER
I have been struggling as of late
Deciding if it's right or wrong
To use these social network sites
To send a picture of your schlong.

[His TINY CONSCIENCE speaks up.]

ANTHONY WEINER'S TINY CONSCIENCE
What the hell?
Are you kidding, man?
That's your question?
That's your plan?

ANTHONY WEINER
Well, not even the schlong exposed!
But inside boxer briefs and posed
To look much larger than it is
So gasping, they'll say "Is that his?"

Continue reading.

Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, House of Representatives, Huma Abedin, Music, New York, Scandalgate, Twitter

Anthony Weiner Sexes People Up During the Daily Show?

Alright, granted. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are not optimal background noise for creating the proper mood during coital exercise. Though they do have that Trapped in the Closet soul singer guy from time to time. And that's not bad.

The biggest issue, I think, is that you have to make sure you finish your business well before Stephen's interview segment ends. Otherwise, you risk climaxing during something like Tosh.0. Have you seen what they put on that show? You could end up with a debilitating wizard fetish. And that's no way to live a life…

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

Tags: Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, Bill Clinton, Brian Kilmeade, Fox, Gretchen Carlson, House of Representatives, Huma Abedin, Jon Stewart, New York, Scandalgate, Sex, The Daily Show, Tosh.0, Twitter, Video