Stephen Colbert on the Supreme Court

The Court seems to think corporations count as real people, and I'm excited. Soon we'll have corporations sitting on the bench themselves, with Chief Justice Pfizer presiding, Associate Justice Halliburton concurring, and fledgling nominee Adidas trying to dodge senators' questions about Roe v. Wade.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, David Souter, Judiciary, Robert Bork, Sonia Sotomayor, Stephen Colbert, Supreme Court, The Colbert Report, Video

Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia Attend Dinner Sponsored by Law Firms Opposed to Obamacare

What do you call two Supreme Court Justices in preparation to rule on health care reform who attend a Federalist Society dinner sponsored by two anti-Obamacare law firms and a huge pharmaceutical company?

No big deal at all apparently…

The two justices have been attending Federalist Society events for years. And it's nothing that runs afoul of ethics rules. In fact, justices are exempt from the Code of Conduct that governs the actions of lower federal judges.

If they were, they arguably fell under code’s Canon 4C, which states, "A judge may attend fund-raising events of law-related and other organizations although the judge may not be a speaker, a guest of honor, or featured on the program of such an event."

Nevertheless, the sheer proximity of Scalia and Thomas to two of the law firms in the case, as well as to a company with a massive financial interest, was enough to alarm ethics-in-government activists.

Oh, no! Now Thomas and Scalia are never going to cast their vote in favor of the liberal side of this issue!

I really had a feeling they were gonna sway Thomas on this one.

Tags: Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Ethics, Health Care, Judiciary, Supreme Court

Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Will Enlighten You with Important Facts About the Supreme Court

Good day, patriots! 'Tis I, Sara Benincasa, your Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, here to further enlighten you with important facts about the fabulous government of our great nation. Today we turn our insightful gaze on the Supreme Court. I'm awash in that legendary post-midterm elections glow, as are you. But we must focus! FOCUS! On the Supreme Court!

"Oh, yes!" you are probably saying. "The Supreme Court. Which of the Supreme Courtesans were up for reelection this year? And is it true that Rand Paul ran for Chief Justice?" These are all reasonable and intelligent questions, and I applaud you for asking them. However, it is my duty to burst your shiny bubble and inform you that, alas, Supreme Court justices are appointed rather than elected.

"Appointed?" you scoff. "I don't recall being asked for my opinion on Alito or Scalia or those two ladies or the other guys."

Well, gentle reader, that is because you are not actually the person who appoints Supreme Court justices. I know it seems unfair, and I do encourage you to send a letter to your congressman complaining about this injustice. But the fact is, he can't do much about it, either. That's because the power to appoint Supreme Court justices rests mostly with the President. Howevsies, the Senate does get to weigh in, and bitchy senators have worked their butts off in the past to successfully block certain nominations. This is because every U.S. Senator is, at heart, a nasty sorority girl.

The Supreme Court consists of nine humans: eight associate justices and one Chief Justice. Right now, the Chief Justice is John G. Roberts, Jr. (he's the one who got all confused with Barack Obama at the swearing-in ceremony, prompting a do-over.) They all decide important stuff, like whether pooping on the flag is constitutional, or something.

Alrighty-roo, that's really all you need to know about the Supreme Court. You can go read the decision on Plessy v. Ferguson if you really want to, but I encourage you to sit on your couch and forget everything you just learned here, because you will probably never need to use it. (Unless you actually become a Supreme Court justice one day. Which is totally very likely.)

Tags: Antonin Scalia, Cramming for Midterms, Elena Kagan, John Roberts, Midterms, Samuel Alito, Sara Benincasa, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court

The Daily Show Presides Over The Best Supreme Court Appointee Moments

While America waits with baited breath to find out why Elena Kagan — Obama's choice for Supreme Court appointment — is the evilest woman to ever walk the Earth, here's a collection of Daily Show clips on Supreme Court appointments to help us get a running start at over-reacting…

August 6, 2009: White Men Can't Judge – Sotomayor Confirmation

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

More videos after the jump…

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Tags: Antonin Scalia, Arlen Specter, Elena Kagan, George W. Bush, Harriet Miers, John Paul Stevens, John Roberts, Jon Stewart, Robert Bork, Samuel Alito, Sandra Day O'Connor, Senate, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court, Ted Kennedy, The Daily Show

Colbert on the Decline of the Death Penalty

If you saw last night's Colbert Report, you know there's been a dramatic drop in criminal death sentences in the United States over the past decade. And while that's all well and good for the wrongly convicted and proponents of compassion and humaneness, won't anyone think about the effect this must be having on the potassium chloride industry?

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Antonin Scalia, Capital Punishment, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video