Barack Obama Channels the George W. Bush School of Geography

At least when George W. Bush confused Slovenia and Slovakia, we were comforted by that fact that he committed the flub because he didn't give a damn. Barack Obama, on the other hand, is the precocious and deeply annoying study abroad student who tries to pepper his speech with local pronunciations.

Nobody likes that guy, especially when his diction puts him off by 8,000 miles or so…

President Obama erred during a speech at the Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, Colombia, when attempting to call the disputed [Falklands] archipelago by its Spanish name.

Instead of saying Malvinas, however, Mr Obama referred to the islands as the Maldives, a group of 26 atolls off that lie off the South coast of India…

Cristina Kirchner, the Argentine president, has renewed her country's sovereignty claim to the Falklands in the build-up to the 30th anniversary of the Argentine invasion of the islands, which triggered the Falklands War, on April 2. She has accused David Cameron of maintaining a "colonial enclave" in the South Atlantic and taken Argentina's claim to the UN.

Man, if Obama's not going to use a Teleprompter, we may as well let drunk Hillary Clinton do all the talking.

Maybe this is why we need Mitt Romney as our president. Obama has a team of foreign policy advisers and can't keep his islands straight. If Romney gets confused, he could just ask his accountant.

Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images

Tags: Argentina, Barack Obama, Foreign Policy, United Kingdom

New Old News: Gay Marriage in Argentina

Now that Argentina has legalized gay marriage, it has officially become the Massachusetts of South America. Which means an invasion of irritating Ivy Leaguers, chowder that tastes like lamb dick and insidious gayness is surely on the horizon…

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Argentina, Ed Helms, Jon Stewart, Marriage Equality, New Old News, The Daily Show

Quote Unquote: Carnival in Hell

Biologist, blogger and High Priest of the New Atheist movement, PZ Myers responds to Argentina doing "the right thing" by legalizing same sex marriage…

"If this means Argentinians are damned, that's just more good news: there will be Carnival in hell."

I was gonna make a joke here about being excited to get down there and see demon boobs, but then I remembered that I've already seen Jenny McCarthy's boobs a bunch of times. Yawn!

Tags: Argentina, Atheists, LGBT, Marriage Equality, PZ Myers, Religion

World Cup Fever: Rappity Rap Rapping "The Soccer (a.k.a. Football) Shuffle"

And, thus, tomorrow begins the World Cup quarterfinals, otherwise known as South America vs. The World…

Brazil v. Netherlands
Uruguay v. Ghana
Argentina v. Germany
Paraguay v. Spain

These games begin tomorrow, and by the end of the day Saturday, the World Cup will effectively be The South-Western Hemisphere Cup, and then the entire Eastern Hemisphere can rejoin us in having better things to think about.

Or, maybe I spoke too soon. It appears as though there actually are some people here in the North-Western Hemisphere who are still paying attention to this. Last night, The Daily Show — in the absence of any real news — dedicated its entire episode to this Cup of the World thing. Here's Jon Hodgman explains how FIFA can make Non-American Football more appealing to Non-Non-Americans…

The CC Insider has the complete episode in its complete completesity right over GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Argentina, Brazil, Germany, Ghana, John Hodgman, Jon Stewart, Netherlands, Paraguay, Soccer, Spain, Sports, The Daily Show, Uruguay

Love, Look What You've Done to Mark Sanford

Lovelorn Gov. Mark Sanford — the Eva Peron of South Carolina politics* — may be reluctant to leave office since his drastic reversal of opinion on executive accountability, but his state's legislators don't seem to be feeling quite so weepy and forgiving of their head of state's various tresspasses.

In fact, they might even be willing to start tossing around The I Word* a little…

"Lawmakers, once reluctant to discuss removing Sanford, will weigh what it would take to force the Republican governor out and how the process would work."

"Sanford has been under fire since secretly leaving the country for five days in June to meet his lover and later admitting an extramarital affair with the Argentine woman. Since then, Sanford has been under fire for flying in expensive business-class seats and his use of state and private planes. All could violate state law or ethics rules."

This is exactly like Romeo & Juliet, except with less suicide-by-poison and more schadenfreude.

_{* His version of "Don't Cry for Me, South Carolina" always brings the state house down.
** And I'm not talking about "intercourse." Though I'm sure Gov. Sanford is.}

Tags: Argentina, Corruption, Impeachment, Mark Sanford, Sex, South Carolina