Download Your Free Arianna Huffington Halloween Mask!

As we're sure you already know — being the cut-out Halloween mask aficionado that you are — the Huffington Post was super-nice enough to provide everyone with free, downloadable, last minute Halloween costumes of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rod Blagojevich and Kanye West, the most important people in American culture.

And that got us thinking: Maybe we should also give back to society in a similar fashion. And that's just what we did.

So, here's an even last-minuter Halloween costume: Behold the Arianna Huffington Halloween mask.

And the best part is, it's totally homeopathic!

Just dilute this mask in eleven million parts water, drink it down, and you're ready to go Trick or Treating!

It's fun and good for your chakra.

Tags: Arianna Huffington, Glenn Beck, Halloween, Huffington Post, Kanye West, Rod Blagojevich, Sarah Palin

From the Pork Barrel: Why Are Those Who Fight Back Communism Always Such Awesome People?

* Here's some other fine, upstanding Americans of days past who did their part to stem the flow of Communism.

* A hard look at Obama's zombification of our children.

* Levi Johnston is cured of his Wasilla-wear blues.

* Arianna Huffington's heartfelt thanks to Glenn Beck for his part in forcing Van Jones' resignation.

Tags: Arianna Huffington, Barack Obama, Communism, Education, Glenn Beck, Levi Johnston, Racism, Van Jones

Arianna Huffington is Wasting Her Fortune Cookie-Writing Talents on Blogging

Arianna Huffington has some sage advice for the incoming president: "Moving Forward Doesn't Mean You Can't Also Look Back."

Jeeze, that really makes my "A Stitch in Time Saves Nine" bit of wisdom for Obama seem kind of shallow, doesn't it?

Oh well, I guess a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Tags: Arianna Huffington, Barack Obama

Arianna Huffington's Dumb, Dumb, Dumb Question About Barack Obama

Arianna Huffington is asking a pretty stupid question over there on her website…

"Tell me again, why is Obama being popular with our allies a bad thing?"

Ugh! Okay, for the last time: It's a bad thing because our foreign allies are our enemies. What part of that simple logic don't you understand?

Tags: Arianna Huffington, Barack Obama, Huffington Post, International Affairs

John McCain is Fed Up with Journalists Putting His Own Words in His Mouth

Goddamnit! Why do all these punk-ass journalists keep saying that John McCain said things that John McCain said? It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!

First, they said that he said that in 2004, he spoke with John Kerry about possibly being his running mate. That's true, but only in a non-true-ish kind of way.

Then, they said that he wants a U.S. military presence in Iraq for somewhere between 100 and 10,000 years. Yes, he said that, and they have him on tape saying it, but that doesn't mean that he actually said it.

Of course, there was the thing with McCain telling Arianna Huffington — for inexplicable reasons — that he didn't actually vote for George W. Bush in 2000. Yes, it's been confirmed as truth, but that doesn't mean it's not bullshit.

Now, John McCain is calling foul on those fucking journalists accurately reporting that in 2006 he said that he would be open to the possibility of talking to the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas…

James P. Rubin said on CNN Friday that McCain had told him during a 2006 interview that the United States would inevitably have to deal with Hamas. Rubin said criticism now of similar statements by Democrats was "the ultimate flip-flop in American politics."

But McCain said Friday that his position had remained consistent, saying "I will not and would not sit down and negotiate with terrorist organizations and never have."

That's right journalists. "Never have." Read his lips. Well, I mean read his lips there in that new quote, not on this videotape of John McCain saying…

"They're the government, and sooner or later, we're going to have to deal with them one way or another."

Fucking journalists and their fucking anti-American information recording devices!

Tags: Arianna Huffington, George W. Bush, John Kerry, John McCain