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  • Wimpy Arkansas GOP Backs Away from Slavery and Child Murder

    It appears that Mitt Romney's move toward the political center is having a wider impact than originally anticipated. No sooner had the candidate at the top of the GOP ticket backed away from his contention that 47% of Americans are barely worthy of serving as dressage horse stable hands, this bleeding heart syndrome has begun to infect even the most rock-ribbed of conservative state parties.

    The latest to be struck down by viral liberalism is the Arkansas Republican Party. Ever since a takeover the State House appeared in sight, the state GOP has offered support to the likes of  State Rep. Jon Hubbard, author of Letters to the Editor: Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative and opinions such as, "the institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise."

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    Tags: Arkansas, Capital Punishment, Children, Racism, Republicans, Slavery, State Legislature
  • Kentucky Is Ready for an Uncommitted President

    As was widely expected, Barack Obama had a rough time during last night's primaries in Arkansas and Kentucky, winning just 59% of the vote against little known attorney John Wolfe in the former contest and taking only 58% against "uncommitted" in the latter primary. In fact, uncommitted captured a majority of Kentucky counties, performing especially well in regions with more Cracker Barrels than people and more coal mines than dentist offices.

    Uncommited's result compares favorably to the 42% anti-war Democrat Eugene McCarthy earned in his 1968 New Hampshire foray against incumbent president Lyndon Johnson and the 37% Pat Buchanan won against George H. W. Bush in the 1992 New Hampshire primary.

    And these comparisons underestimate the strength of uncommitted. Between the 67% of the vote earned by Mitt Romney in the Kentucky primary, the 17% going to challengers that have withdrawn from the race and the unallocated remainder, it's fair to say that roughly 100% of Kentucky Republicans voted for uncommitted.

    Which raises the question, why not Uncommitted for America? Now that Generic Republican has faded in the polls in favor of, well, still a generic Republican, but not a very popular one, it's time to reconsider the positives uncommitted would bring to the table. He or she has never placed a dog atop a car. Nor has she placed a dog atop a grill. She's never supported a bailout or taken money from lobbyists. Never voted for a tax hike or a cut in Medicare benefits. She's never used a Teleprompter nor shut down a steel mill.

    In short, uncommitted would be the perfect candidate. If only we could find her birth certificate.

    Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Arkansas, Barack Obama, Kentucky, Mitt Romney, Primaries
  • One of a Kind Candidate: Andy Shock, Sheriff, Conway, AR

    Andy ShockForging birth certificates is the only political trick we have left with which to attack candidates and politicians. Don't believe me? Let's tune in to the Faulkner County, Arkansas sheriff's race, where someone is trying to discredit candidate Andy Shock by circulating a fake birth certificate and claiming he has an illegitimate child in Texas.

    Faulkner County residents received anonymous letters sent from Hooks, Texas with information purporting to show that Shock, a Conway, Arkansas police major, fathered an illegitimate child and refuses to pay child support. It took authorities all of ten seconds to discover the documents were fakes. Probably the first clue was that the alleged love child was allegedly born in "Texarkana." Nice try, but no way that's a real place. You can't just shove state names together and expect us to believe it's a real place. But still, someone took the time to create and mail forgeries across state lines: That's an awfully elaborate ruse for a Faulkner County, Arkansas sheriff's race.

    Listen, saboteur–can I call you saboteur? There are still three candidates in this race who require elaborate ruses. That's a lot of work! What are you thinking? No, seriously, what are you thinking? Is this some sort of performance art? You are so weird, weird Faulkner County sheriff election saboteur.

    The good news is, Andy Shock is taking the attack in stride, and says he won't go negative in his campaign just because of a little ol' mail fraud. In fact, all of his opponents have come out against the hoax, saying the perpetrator should be prosecuted and offering Shock words of support. Haha, do you hear that, Faulkner-County-sheriff-election Grinch? Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, are singing, about how you're a weirdo with a weird plan who will probably face federal charges.

    But anyway, congrats, Mr. Shock, for joining the ranks of candidates with birther issues.

    Photo via Andy Shock for Faulkner County Sheriff Facebook page

    Previously: Hamish Patterson, "People's dude, man."

    Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Shock a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:

    Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to and get started.

    Tags: Arkansas, One of a Kind Candidates
  • The United States of Unflattering Stereotypes

    How long does it take to travel to every state in the nation and mock it right to its face? About two minutes…

    I think it's really cool that Paul Jury traveled 19,000 miles in the service of writing his book States of Confusion, but you've got to wonder if it was really necessary. If he was really interested in seeing how everybody in the country really lives, couldn't he have just gone to a Wal-Mart in a Hoveround?

    Tags: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Books, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming
  • Mike Huckabee on The Daily Show This Wednesday Night

    Mike Huckabee — Fox News host and one of the few GOP primary frontrunners capable of composing a full sentence on the fly — will be Jon Stewart's guest on The Daily Show this Wednesday, April 6 at 11/10c.

    If I am doing my math right (and I am never 112 percent certain that I am doing my math right), this will mark his seventh appearance on the show in just a little more than four years.

    Here's a collection of all six of his previous appearances…

    December 16, 2010

    More Huckabee after the jump.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

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    Tags: Arkansas, Jon Stewart, Mike Huckabee, Primaries, Republicans, The Daily Show, Video