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Arlen Specter
  • Senate to Elena Kagan: Put Us Out of Our Misery!

    So, the Senate should be voting on whether or not (or almost certainly yes) Elena Kagan will be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice. So far, we know that Sen. Orrin Hatch is definitely not on Team Kagan. And we know that Sen. Arlen Specter is a chicken apparently. And we can make a lot of pretty good guesses about a lot of the other votes.

    But, you may wonder why a senator will be motivating the inevitable — if ineffectual — votes against Kagan. This might shed a tiny bit of light

    Over and over, Ms. Kagan reminded the senators questioning her of their own duty to pass cogent, sensible — and constitutional — laws. The Supreme Court, she said, was not created to strike down foolish measures…

    On Tuesday, for instance, Senator Tom Coburn, Republican of Oklahoma, asked what should happen if Congress enacted a law requiring Americans “to eat three vegetables and three fruits every day.”

    "It sounds like a dumb law," Ms. Kagan said. But she would not commit to striking it down. "I think that courts would be wrong to strike down laws that they think are senseless, just because they’re senseless," she said.

    Okay, but what if it was, like, really senseless? What if we enacted a law requiring Americans to place the toilet paper roll into the dispenser so that the paper falls over the roll instead of hanging behind it? Well, what if we enacted a law making it illegal to acknowledge that there is a biologically taxonomic difference between alligators and crocodiles? How about a law requiring Americans wear spaghetti with clam sauce on their heads between the hours of 4 and 7 pm on alternating Thursdays? Because — mark my words! — we will do that!

    Ms. Kagan repeatedly said she would show "great deference to Congress." Perhaps surprisingly, that was not what many senators seemed to want to hear. They appeared to want the Supreme Court to save them from themselves.

    Please! You don't understand what we're capable of! As a body, we are effectively a seven-ton, mentally-handicapped sociopathic 9-year-old with intermittent rage disorder! We will kill us all!!!!

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Elena Kagan, Orrin Hatch, Senate, Supreme Court, Tom Coburn
  • Quote Unquote: Bribing Joe Sestak

    The War Room's Alex Pareene on this week's scandal of the decade, the Obama administration's insidious attempt to bribe Rep. Joe Sestak — with a non-paying advisory position to Bill Clinton — into dropping his Senate campaign against Sen. Arlen Specter…

    "This scandal is even worse than when the White House bribed Joe Biden into getting out of the Senate to clear the way for his son. Or when they bribed Janet Napolitano into letting the crazy wingnuts take over Arizona. Or when Obama bribed Rahm Emanuel himself into giving up his House seat to be the president's official Bribery Czar."

    This is a total game-changer, I'm tellin' you.

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, House of Representatives, Joe Sestak, Pennsylvania, Rahm Emanuel, Senate, White House
  • How in the World Could 44-Year Republican Arlen Specter Have Lost Last Night's Democratic Primary?

    I don't think humanity will ever come to grips with this mystifying mystery.

    Oh, the best minds of political science will no doubt beat their brains tirelessly against the rough, cold exterior of this conundrum, but their efforts will surely be in vain. For no intellect known to man will likely ever crack the riddle of why Pennsylvania Democrats did not give their senatorial nomination to 44-year elected-Republican Arlen Specter.

    Why, Arlen Specter?! Whhhhhyyyyyyyyyy??????!!!!

    How could this have happened? How could a state's registered Democratic electorate only give a man who has spent his entire career (up till a few months ago) opposing their interests a mere 47 percent of the vote? There must be some reasonable explanation! There simply must!

    Was Specter, perhaps, a victim of force majeure?

    "Turnout was terrible," [Pennsylvania] Gov. Edward G. Rendell said less than two hours before the polls closed here. And just about two hours after they had closed, he blamed the rain and the low turnout in Philadelphia for ending Mr. Specter's 30 years in the Senate.

    "The rain killed Arlen," Mr. Rendell said dejectedly. "Whatever chance he had went down with the rain."

    Oooooohhhh, it was the rain! Well, why didn't you say so to begin with? That makes all the sense in the world.

    Never mind, everyone. Mystery solved.

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Democrats, Ed Rendell, Pennsylvania, Republicans, Senate, Weather
  • New Old News: Arlen Specter, Man of Principle

    Poor Arlen Specter. It's like a guy can't up and switch parties when it's politically convenient for him without being accused of betraying his principles! Who would have guessed that old Arlen could possibly lose today's Democratic primary, just because his challenger, Rep. Joe Sestak, had the audacity to have been a Democrat for longer than 20 minutes?

    While the voters of Pennsylvania spend their lunch breaks in middle school auditoriums across the state deciding Specter's political future, we pause to pay tribute a man who truly stands up for what he believes in…

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Joe Sestak, Jon Stewart, Pennsylvania, The Daily Show, Video
  • Arlen Specter May Actually Somehow Lose This Democratic Primary Thing

    In an breathtaking turn of events, Democratic Rep. Joe Sestak seems poised to steal the Democratic nomination for Senate away from sitting "Democratic" Sen. Arlen Specter

    A new poll Wednesday showed Pennsylvania's Democratic primary race for U.S. Senate too close to call, as U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak erased what had been a decisive lead for five-term Sen. Arlen Specter five weeks ago…

    Sestak had trailed Specter by 21 points in a survey by the same pollster released April 8.

    The fact that something like this could happen to a Democrat of Specter's standing must be terrifying to the entire party. I mean, this guy has a history with party spanning back… several months. At least!

    And, really, who better exemplifies the Democratic motto: Capitulation at All Costs (So Long as It's Still Polling Well)!?

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Democrats, Joe Sestak, Pennsylvania, Polls, Primaries