Wyoming Legislature Prepares for Zombie Apocalypse

Different states attract tourists in their own ways. California is known for its beaches, Maine for its lobsters and New York for its culture and nightlife.

But, if well-planned post-apocalyptic survivalists societies are your thing, then come on over to beautiful Wyoming…

Responding to economic instability both in the U.S. and abroad, lawmakers in Wyoming are advancing what is quickly becoming known as the "Doomsday Bill.

"If enacted, House Bill 85 would create a "government continuity task force" to study how a variety of crises would affect the state, such as an economic meltdown, a U.S. constitutional crisis, or disruptions in food and energy supplies, according to the bill's text. The law also suggests looking into providing an "alternative currency" if the U.S. dollar should collapse…

"This isn't about doomsday," the bill's sponsor, Republican state Rep. David Miller told The Daily Caller. "It is just planning. I don't want people thinking that the federal government is going to be there every step of the way to solve all of their problems."

When faced with the prospect of total economic collapse, why waste precious resources on silly projects like creating jobs or stimulating small business? As the rugged individualists of Wyoming know, the proper response is to form a government task force to help residents grab their guns, build bomb shelters and start collecting canned beans. You see, Wyoming lawmakers don't want to be in the business of solving your problems, just causing them.

I suppose it's nice to know that even in the event of a zombie apocalypse, Wyoming will have the most ideologically pure libertarian zombies in the country.

Those state legislators are really using their BRAAAAIIIINS.

Photo by iluvrhinestones/Wikimedia Commons

Tags: Armageddon, State Legislature, Wyoming

Rick Santorum vs. Meteor of Death: A Comparison

If Rick Santorum's victories are any indication, Mitt Romney's got a tough row to hoe with far-right conservatives. What's worse, he has no idea what that expression means because he's unfamiliar with physical labor of any kind.

But it's not just Romney who's facing resistance. Recently, Red State blogger Erik Erickson endorsed a "sweet meteor of death" over any of the current GOP contenders. So I began to wonder, how does Rick Santorum stack up against a massive, flaming rock from space that could end civilization as we know it?

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Tags: Armageddon, Head-to-Head, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum

Erick Erickson Endorses "Sweet Meteor of Death" Over GOP Field

Red State blogger and CNN pundit Erick Erickson decided to color outside the lines in choosing whom to endorse in the current Republican primary race. Nott too far outside the lines. Just a little…

Influential conservative blogger Erick Erickson said he would endorse the "sweet meteor of death" over any of the current GOP candidates, but would back the party's eventual nominee in the general election against President Obama.

Mitt Romney, a fiery rock screeching into our atmosphere from outer space, Newt Gingrich. Whatever. Just so long as they repeal Obamacare.

Erickson said he's hoping for a brokered convention, where some other candidate might emerge in a last-ditch effort to derail the Romney campaign.

Oh, that's a thought! Do you think we could maybe convince Ebola to run? I think it'd have strong appeal with people who live in air-controlled penthouse homes. And probably in the South, now that I think of it.

Hmmmm… Seems unlikely it'd want to have its name associated with some of the modern GOP's policies.

Photo by Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Tags: Armageddon, CNN, Erick Erickson, Natural Disasters, Primaries, Red State, Republicans

From the Pork Barrel: Rick Perry Has Israel's Back

* Rick Perry: "As a Christian I have a clear directive to support Israel" so that it can be destroyed to support End Times prophesies.

* Rick Perry "ignores reality," says future Republican frontrunner Rick Santorum.

* $16 muffins served at Justice Department conference. Sounds bad until you hear about the $300K computer-guided sidewinder pretzels they're serving over in the Defense Department.

* Dick Cheney "worried" about U.S. leaving Afghanistan. Apparently, he stays up late at night fretting over worldwide non-suffering.

* Michele Bachmann makes yet another positive contribution to civilization.

Tags: Afghanistan, Armageddon, Christianity, Dick Cheney, Food, Israel, Michele Bachmann, Military, Money, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Religion, Republicans, Rick Perry

Stephen Colbert on the Coming Free-Birth Control Apocalypse

This is how it all ends, people. First, women get free birth control, via their health care provider. Then the birth rate drops significantly amongst women who are unprepared to raise children. Then something else happens. And then, finally, a plague of unrelenting death sweeps across the nation. It all makes perfect sense!

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Armageddon, Fox, Health, Health Care, House of Representatives, Iowa, Men and Women, Sex, Stephen Colbert, Steve King, The Colbert Report, Video, Women's Rights