South Park Chimes in on the Schwarzenegger Scandal

From The CC Insider…

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty slow with the topical humor. I'm still fine-tuning my Monica Lewinsky jokes. Those South Park guys on the other hand are a bit more on top of things. Take last night's new episode, which featured a references to Arnold Schwarzenegger's illegitimate child, a scandal that only broke on Monday! That is so fast!

Anyway, while you watch the clip for yourself, I'm going to go put the finishing touches on some Watergate zingers.

An all-new South Park airs next Wednesday at 10/9c.

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver, Sex, South Park, Video

Stephen Colbert Refuses to Discuss the Lurid Sexy Delicious Details of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Secret Love Child News

Instead of falling prey to his baser instincts, Stephen remains true to his journalistic integrity and reports about oil subsidies or some such shit…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, California, Energy & Oil, Maria Shriver, Movies, Sex, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Arnold Schwarzenegger Fathered Secret Child Before Running for Office

I don't know about you, but I expect better from my bodybuilders turned action stars turned politicians…

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, separated after she learned he had fathered a child more than a decade ago — before his first run for office — with a longtime member of their household staff.

Shriver moved out of the family's Brentwood mansion earlier this year, after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the paternity. The staff member worked for the family for 20 years, retiring in January.

"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," Schwarzenegger said Monday night in a statement issued to The Times in response to questions. "I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.

Alright, people make mistakes. Things happen. We're all adults. I get that.

But, here's what gets me about people like Schwarzenegger and John Edwards: It's one thing to have an affair that leads to a pregnancy, and it's a whole other thing to know that you've had an affair that led to a pregnancy and then fucking run for office. That, I don't get. That's not a "mistake." That's a full-on asshole move that has the potential to cause long-term damage to your party or your state or your country.

Can you even imagine the debate that Schwarzenegger was having in his head as he was deciding to make a run for governor of California?

"Hmmmmm… On the one hand, I have secret toddler out there that anybody could find out about at any time and then use to blackmail me or drop into the media in the middle of an important election. Embarrassing the state, tarnishing my reputation and ensuring a win for the opposing party is bad enough, but it could also have a devastating impact of my secret child's life."

"But on the other hand, they would call me Governor Schwarzenegger."

Probably was an easy decision.

Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images For The Consulate General of Israel

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, California, John Edwards, Maria Shriver, Sex

Tworld News: Week of May 16, 2011

The only way to start your news week off right– Tweeties, the breakfast of champions.

Teenage boys everywhere now justifying their porn collection as 'mastermind training material'

Conservatives angry at Obama's choice to invite Common to a poetry event, insist that Tupac lives and should have gotten first dibs.

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Tags: Animals, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Common, Florida, Movies, Music, Newt Gingrich, Osama bin Laden, PETA, Porn, Primaries, Republicans, Sex, Twitter, Tworld News

"The Governator" Pretty Much Exactly What You Expected It to Be (Unfortunately)

Earlier today, I made fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger's new comic/cartoon/3D movie/videogame/breakfast cereal (probably) Governator project without having seen any of it, and, for that, I am deeply sorry.

Now, however, I feel completely justified in my bilious disdain…

So, it's about what? A former governor/bodybuilder/actor or eschews a life of peaceful celebrity in favor of riding across the entire state of California to fight a bunch of bank-robbing Gobots with his little kid friends? That's the premise for real? This is seriously not a make-believe thing? This is a real life thing that the former governor of California is for real doing as a triumphant return to Hollywood? For real?

Uh oh.

So, does anybody still wonder why California went bankrupt?

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, California, Comedians, Movies