Latest Posts

  • The U.S. Loves War, Hates Community Theater (or Kansas Won't Buy Anyone Crayons)

    We Americans love art in all forms: reruns of "America's Best Dance Crew;" Wal-Mart reproductions of that painting with the dogs playing poker; and of course, films by Michael Bay. But lately, some lame hippies have been whining about the unprecedented rate at which state governments are slashing arts funding.

    Across the country this is a tough time for small arts groups because state grants have largely shriveled up. Thirty-one states, still staggered by the recession, cut their arts budgets for the 2012 fiscal year, which began on July 1, continuing a downturn that has seen such financial aid drop 42 percent over the last decade, according to data compiled by the National Assembly of State Arts Agencies.

    The impact may hardly be felt at places like the Metropolitan Opera, established regional theaters or other large organizations that rely primarily on loyal donors and ticket revenues to underwrite their budgets.

    Wait, the "opera?" The "regional theaters?" You mean "Gossip Girl" and "One Tree Hill" will be unaffected by these cuts? Then shoot, who gives a crap? Everybody knows the opera is for weirdos like Frasier and Niles Crane, and who even does theater after high school?

    In Kansas, Governor Sam Brownback bravely decided to reduce the state's arts funding to $0 this year. In a helpful move for Kansas's unemployment numbers, he also fired every employee of the Kansas Arts Commission. Do they even have art in Kansas? What'd they even need that money for, anyway?

    In Kansas the Junction City Arts Council has received $10,000 a year from the state arts commission annually since 2005, money it used to provide visual arts scholarships for underprivileged children, a summer community theater program and a storyteller who performed at schools.

    Foolish! Underprivileged children ought to be put to work in the mines, not given scholarship money to take art classes. Visual arts, community theater, and storytelling all take up valuable time that ought to be spent developing black lung or the bends.

    Gov. Sam Brownback deserves a Congressional Medal of Honor for his bravery in battle against the nefarious cabal of painters, actors, dancers, sculptors, directors, writers, and illustrators who seek to turn our nation into a place where every single dollar isn't spent on futile wars.

    Tags: Art, Economy, Kansas, Money, Music, Sam Brownback
  • SMBC: One Year Away from 2012

    Just a friendly reminder that you all have about a year to get your affairs in order before the Mayans come back to exact their revenge…

    Continues after the jump…

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    Tags: Armageddon, Art, Comedians, Science & Technology, SMBC
  • One Nation Under the Lamb of God

    Hey, everyone. I'm just getting re-settled after a week's vacation. (Have they announced winner of the Nobel Peace Prize? Sorry, I know that's totally boring stuff that nobody ever cares about, but I was just wondering.)

    So, do you know what I was thinking about a lot during my time away from the blog? Yep, you guessed it: Jesus. And also America. And how lucky we all are that a Bedouin carpenter who was born two millenia ago founded this great nation for us all and presented us with His Holy Constitution of the Lamb's Blood (or whatever it's called).

    And that got me wondering if there were maybe any hyper-didactic artworks showcasing that great moment of creation that I could hang above the alter I keep above my desk. And wouldn't you know it, but this dropped just last week

    Jon McNaughton — the creator of this masterpiece, which, as of press time, has not yet replaced the Mona Lisa in Louvre — obviously went to great trouble to cram every single square-inch of this painting with symbolism that's even more deep than the poetry my sister used to write in junior high.

    For example, you see that guy on the bottom-left, holding the cell phone? That's a "Politician," and he "has his patriotic tie and American flag lapel pin, but he's more concerned about his own political ambitions than what is in the best interest of the country." Because obviously, that politician guy should really spend less time talking on his cell phone and more time groveling in self-pity like the Supreme Court Justice right near him. (I mean, what do we even elect these clowns for? Am I right?)

    And, by the way, I know what you're thinking: This invented-out-of-whole-cloth image of America is all well and good for all the decent Christians out there who are looking forward to the impending American theocracy. But what about the dozen or so people who think that maybe there's something to this whole "seperation of church and state" thing?

    Don't worry. The Internet's got you covered…

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    Tags: Art, Bill of Rights, Christianity, Constitution, Cthulhu, Religion
  • From the Pork Barrel: Ink We Should Probably Not Be Believing In

    * It's a good thing that tattoos aren't permanent, huh? (On the other hand, that might come in handy again in 2108.)

    * Looking for the greediest place in the country? The lustiest? The slothiest? These handy charts should help.

    * It must be really nice to have a First Family that's really not afraid to travel.

    * This just in: Barack Obama has just annexed the entire Nazi Party.

    Tags: Art, Barack Obama, Germany, Japan, Pork Barrel, Protesters, Tea Party
  • Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and a Unicorn: All Naked

    You know that dream that you had every other night between July and November last year?

    Well, somebody stole it out of your head and is now selling posters of it

    This guy Dan Lacey has somehow gotten a hold of a bunch of your dreams, which he's keeping hold of over on his blog. So, if you want them back, that's where to go.

    But, you know, I've seen them. And I don't think you want them back.

    See also: Wanna See Sarah Palin Naked?

    Tags: Art, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama