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Bain Capital
  • Rush Limbaugh Hates Homophones

    Looks like Rush Limbaugh finally took time out of his busy poisoning the nation's brain schedule long enough to catch up on what everyone on the ol' Internet is talking about (Batman, duh)

    "Do you know the name of the villain in this movie? Bane. The villain in The Dark Knight Rises is named Bane, B-a-n-e. What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran and around which there’s now this make-believe controversy? Bain. The movie has been in the works for a long time. The release date’s been known, summer 2012 for a long time. Do you think that it is accidental that the name of the really vicious fire breathing four eyed whatever-it-is villain in this movie is named Bain?…

    "You may think it’s ridiculous, I’m just telling you this is the kind of stuff the Obama team is lining up. The kind of people who would draw this comparison are the kind of people that they are campaigning to. These are the kind of people that they are attempting to appeal to."

    To Limbaugh's point, the movie has been in the works for a long time. Probably not twenty years, though, which is when Bane first made his appearance. And 23-year-old Christopher Nolan couldn't have possibly foreseen Mitt Romney's rise to power and association with Bain Capital… unless the current administration is a front for the League of Shadows, and the group "incepted" Nolan's dreams to make him put Bane in the final movie of his Dark Knight trilogy to indoctrinate us against the second term political opponent of Barack Obama (aka RA'S AL GHUL?!). There's no other possible explanation.

    But wait. Stop the presses. Bane is actually a word in the English language which means something pernicious that causes great distress, so maybe Bane is modeled after Limbaugh himself. Although this Joker looks more like the Penguin to me.

    Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection/Getty Images

     


    Tags: Bain Capital, Batman, Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh
  • Mitt Romney, Retroactively Retired Bain Capital Time Lord

    Seeking to explain the discrepancy between Mitt Romney having no responsibility for Bain Capital's investments in companies that specialized in outsourcing, laid off some of their workers or declared bankruptcy after 1999, while at the same time serving as the company's CEO and sole shareholder until 2002, Republican strategist Ed Gillespie admitted that Romney isn't a robot but belongs to an ancient alien race of humanoids known for their non-linear perception of time.

    "There may have been a thought at the time that it could be part-time," Gillespie said, when CNN's Candy Crowley asked him about Romney's 1999-2002  leave of absence from Bain. "It was not part-time. The Olympics was in a shambles. The International Olympic Committee was going to pull the Olympics from the United States of America, which would have been a huge embarrassment.

    "He took a leave of absence and in fact, ended up not going back at all and retired retroactively to February 1999 as a result."

    These new-found abilities represent an opportunity for the Republican campaign. Already, many have made the claim that, retroactively, George W. Bush, not Barack Obama, was responsible for the killing of Osama bin Laden. With Mitt Romney's abilities, they can make this so. Entitlement programs can also be saved this way, as millions of Americans work to until 80, but retroactively retire at the Social Security old retirement age of 67.

    In summary: Romney is retroactively not responsible for the terrible things that occurred as a result of leveraged bets by Bain Capital, which is a great and noble company that exemplifies Romney's skills as a businessman possessing the skills  necessary to restore the country's economy.

    Photo by Eric Kayne/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Bain Capital, CNN, Ed Gillespie, Mitt Romney
  • From the Pork Barrel: Apologies Must Be Given!

    * Mitt Romney demands that Barack Obama apologize for pointing out things for which Mitt Romney is demanding an apology. Or something equally sensible.

    * Ezra Klein comes up with 14 reasons why this is the worst Congress ever. Just 14? I can think of something more in the neighborhood of 535.

    * Do Condoleezza Rice's reasoned non-knee jerk opinions about abortion disqualify her as a make-believe Vice Presidential pick?

    * Download the Indecision Election Companion, our free app for your iPhone and iPad, and climb up into the the Peanut Gallery — our liveblog/instant reaction arena — to watch and respond as Charlie Rose talks with Barack and Michelle Obama on CBS Sunday Morning this Sunday morning at 9am/8c.


    Tags: Abortion, Bain Capital, Barack Obama, CBS, Charlie Rose, Condoleezza Rice, Michelle Obama, Mitt Romney, Pork Barrel, Veepstakes
  • Mitt Romney Stays Consistent on Always-Be-Inconsistent Stance

    Mitt RomneyRemember how Mitt Romney claimed that he didn't run Bain Capital from 1999 to 2002, but then it turned out he did?

    Well

    Back in 2002 when he was running for Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney and his aides had no problem admitting he retained his position as CEO of Bain Capital after 1999. Press articles from the time describe how Mr. Romney was on a "leave of absence" after 1999 and had not fully cut ties with the private equity firm.

    You've got to hand it to him. A lesser politician might eventually flip-flop on his never-don't-flip-flop agenda. But Romney is committed. As proof, watch out for his surprise bid as a liberal candidate for the presidency of France. He'll be announcing it underwater, having evolved gills in a 180-degree turn from his historically mammalian respiratory system.

    This will all happen in 1994. With Romney, anything's possible!

    Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Bain Capital, Mitt Romney
  • Barack Obama Defends Bain Capital Attacks on Romney

    barack obamaIf there's one thing that people in Washington cannot abide, it's an attack that seems to be working. Especially if it also seems to be based in real life. Bonus hate points if it makes rich people nervous

    President Barack Obama said in an interview that aired Friday "it is entirely appropriate" to further scrutinize Mitt Romney's time at Bain, adding that "there are questions that have to be asked" about the Republican's record at the private-equity firm.

    Obama said that since Romney's "main calling card" for the White House is his private-sector experience, it's important for American voters to know exactly what his work at Bain involved.

    I don't know. Still seems kinda wrong to me somehow.

    I mean, you don't see conservatives endlessly pouring over minute details of President Obama's life prior to his time in public sector politics, going over the same points over and over and over until you want to pull your hair out and stick your head in a bucket of vinegar, do you?

    Photo by Kristoffer Tripplaar-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Bain Capital, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney