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Barbara Boxer
  • Welcome Back, Clinton!

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    Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    Home Sweet Home! Well, it's finally over. The voters have voted, the superdelegates have committed, and Terry McAuliffe has been put back in cold storage for Chelsea's presidential bid. And the results are now clear: Barack Obama goes on to five more months of choking down swing-state diner food, while Hillary Clinton returns home to the U.S. Senate.

    Of course the Senate is a veritable retirement home for failed presidential candidates. You might say it's the spleen of the federal government. Knowing this, the Senate Pages will now reveal how our old bosses plan to greet Hillary upon her return:

    *Joe Lieberman (I-CT) — Congratulate Clinton on her "two-way tie for first."

    *Robert Byrd (D-WV) — Mistakenly assume Clinton has died and weep on the Senate floor.

    *Harry Reid (D-NV) — Using powers as Majority Leader, appoint Clinton to chair the Senate Select Subcommittee on Menopause.

    *Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX), Barbara Boxer (D-CA), and Olympia Snowe (R-ME) — Rattail Clinton in the girls’ locker room and make her sing the French National Anthem.

    *Claire McCaskill (D-MO ) — Stare straight ahead and keep walking.

    *Jim Bunning (R-KY) — Confide in Hillary that he always thought Obama was limp-wristed and looked like one of Saddam Hussein's sons.

    *Ron Wyden (D-OR) — Use Hillary's newly lowered self-esteem as his chance to ask her out.

    *Mike Gravel (D-AK, retired) — Phone in a bomb threat to the Capitol.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Barbara Boxer, Claire McCaskill, Congressional Confidential, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton, Jim Bunning, Joe Lieberman, Mike Gravel, Olympia Snowe, Robert Byrd, Ron Wyden