5 Best Deleted Petitions from the White House Website

The Obama administration claims to be in favor of transparency and civic participation, but lately, it's been deleting citizens' petitions from the "We the People" website, undoubtedly a prequel to the mass purges of political dissidents soon to befall the United States. And to think, all these people were petitioning for was a right to punch Grover Norquist "once, and only once, square in the dick." Was that too much to ask?

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Tags: Animals, Barack Obama, Batman, Grover Norquist, Internet, Movies

Rush Limbaugh Hates Homophones

Looks like Rush Limbaugh finally took time out of his busy poisoning the nation's brain schedule long enough to catch up on what everyone on the ol' Internet is talking about (Batman, duh)…

"Do you know the name of the villain in this movie? Bane. The villain in The Dark Knight Rises is named Bane, B-a-n-e. What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran and around which there’s now this make-believe controversy? Bain. The movie has been in the works for a long time. The release date’s been known, summer 2012 for a long time. Do you think that it is accidental that the name of the really vicious fire breathing four eyed whatever-it-is villain in this movie is named Bain?…

"You may think it’s ridiculous, I’m just telling you this is the kind of stuff the Obama team is lining up. The kind of people who would draw this comparison are the kind of people that they are campaigning to. These are the kind of people that they are attempting to appeal to."

To Limbaugh's point, the movie has been in the works for a long time. Probably not twenty years, though, which is when Bane first made his appearance. And 23-year-old Christopher Nolan couldn't have possibly foreseen Mitt Romney's rise to power and association with Bain Capital… unless the current administration is a front for the League of Shadows, and the group "incepted" Nolan's dreams to make him put Bane in the final movie of his Dark Knight trilogy to indoctrinate us against the second term political opponent of Barack Obama (aka RA'S AL GHUL?!). There's no other possible explanation.

But wait. Stop the presses. Bane is actually a word in the English language which means something pernicious that causes great distress, so maybe Bane is modeled after Limbaugh himself. Although this Joker looks more like the Penguin to me.

Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection/Getty Images

 

Tags: Bain Capital, Batman, Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh

Tweet Untweet: Comic Con

The "Dark Knight" fighting "Bane" in 2012? NICE TRY HIDING YOUR OBAMA ROMNEY POLITICAL MESSAGE FROM ME CHRIS NOLAN!

— Travon Free (@Travon) July 12, 2012

Tags: Barack Obama, Batman, Mitt Romney, The Dark Knight, Tweet Untweet, Twitter

Our Endorsements: Memorializin'

* The Tea Party Report memorializes the war on women.

* Superhero ethics, from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

* A pie chart that shows us all the reasons Donald Trump wants to be V.P.

* Rejected ideas for Mitt Romney's "Day One" ad, from Funny or Die.

* From McSweeney's, Joey Camire writes a letter to himself about his 2004 election vote.

* Soldiers and cats. Have a thankful and thoughtful Memorial Day.

Tags: Batman, Daily Links, Donald Trump, Ethics, Funny or Die, Mitt Romney, Tea Party, Women's Rights

George Clooney Will Sadly Not Be Running for President

Not that I actually want to disabuse him of his notions, but I don't think that George Clooney understands how politics works…

"I didn't live my life in the right way for politics," Clooney, who has been approached by the California Democratic Party, tells Newsweek. "I f—ed too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth."

First of all, what? Clooney was "approached by the California Democratic Party"? Um, why? Is the state's political roster so empty that the parties have to start going through the IMDB page for Batman & Robin? Any word yet on when Alicia Silverstone will be campaigning for state senate?

Second, of all…

And telling the truth, he says, is key for any campaigner. A savvy politician "would start from the beginning by saying, 'I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let's talk about issues,'" says Clooney. "That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: 'I drank the bong water'?"

He certainly has the class to for a life in politics.

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Batman, California, Democrats, Drugs, Sex