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Bernie Madoff
  • Rick Perry's Book Not Intended as Factual Statement About Rick Perry's Views

    by Ilya Gerner

    In the the olden times of 2010, Texas Executioner-in-Chief Rick Perry wrote a book titled Fed Up!, which expressed concerns about the Social Security system by comparing it to Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme and calling America's chief social insurance program, which serves 54 million beneficiaries, the equivalent of "fraudulent systems designed to take in a lot of money at the front and pay out none in the end."

    Then, perhaps realizing that Democrats employ the kind of dastardly, underhanded political operatives who smear their political opponents by quoting their exact words, the Perry campaign decided to throw Rick Perry under the bus

    But since jumping into the 2012 GOP nomination race on Saturday, Mr. Perry has tempered his Social Security views. His communications director, Ray Sullivan, said Thursday that he had "never heard" the governor suggest the program was unconstitutional. Not only that, Mr. Sullivan said, but "Fed Up!" is not meant to reflect the governor’s current views on how to fix the program. [...]

    In an interview, Mr. Sullivan acknowledged that many passages in Mr. Perry’s "Fed Up!" could dog his presidential campaign.

    The book, Mr. Sullivan said, "is a look back, not a path forward." It was written "as a review and critique of 50 years of federal excesses, not in any way as a 2012 campaign blueprint or manifesto," Mr. Sullivan said.

    Oh, sorry. Our mistake for thinking that something titled Fed Up! might be a little manifesto-y.

    Anyway, bottom line, it's a shame to see a good man turn into a RINO. The Rick Perry who wrote that book was willing to stick to (and shoot) his guns, but apparently the Rick Perry who's running for president is just going to kowtow to the olds, those entitled jerks with their fancy disability, survivors' benefits and pension checks.

    Photo By Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bernie Madoff, Books, Money, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Social Security, Texas
  • Bernie Madoff to Face More Than Hard Time

    For Bernie Madoff,  a century and a half of jail time won't be all rainbows, lollipops and whatever else is never associated with prison life

    Sentenced to 150 years, Madoff will probably be sent to a medium- or high-security prison, probably in the northeastern U.S, according to lawyers and prison consultants. Even worse for Madoff, fellow inmates serving life sentences may want "to make a name for themselves" by harming the ex-money manager, a former inmate said. The Federal Bureau of Prisons, which will decide where he’s jailed, may isolate Madoff to protect him from other prisoners.

    "If they see an opportunity to take that man out and be in the paper and make a name for themselves, what do they have to lose," Steve Vincent, a former police officer jailed for theft who now runs Federal Prison Consultant Services in Louisville, Kentucky, said in an interview.

    Yeah, I can imagine how much prison cred you'd get for shivving a 71-year-old Jewish nerd. Off the charts cred! Man, you'd be the King of Jail.

    "Don't you go messin' with Cobra over there."

    "Why not? He don't look so tough."

    "He beat up somebody's frail, panicked, simpering grandfather in the shower last week."

    "Never mind. I'm going back to my cell. Thanks for the heads up."

    You know who I feel really bad for? The guys who try to make their name by hitting Madoff and fail.

    Tags: Bernie Madoff, Crime, Money
  • The Daily Show and Colbert's Best Bernie Madoff Moments

    As you may have heard, 71-year-old financial schemer Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in a minimum security prison today. Which, I guess is sort of a silver lining for him. The jury found him guilty, but they also found him virile enough to live past 220. Anyway, here are The Daily Show and Colbert Report's best Madoff-related segments.

    More after the jump.

    The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

    Read More »

    Tags: Bernie Madoff, Jon Stewart, Larry Wilmore, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Video
  • Great News:Hero Returns Cash, Beer Is Good and How To Be Happy!


    See A Movie, Save The Earth! Now you can go see Fast & Furious, a movie about dinosaur g0-juice powered Mother Nature wreckers in a drive-in powered by clean, green, wonderful wind! []

    Beer: The Safe Investment! Do you know how much money beer adds to one state's economy? Why, beer should be a currency, it's so valuable! And delicious! []

    The Anti-Bernie Madoff! These days, it seems there are only two types of people: those with very little money, and those who take that very little of money to add to their very big pile of money. This woman, however, gave money back. Alot of money! []

    Here Is A List That Will Make You Happy! OMG, love lists! They organize seemingly complicated ideas into an easily digestible format! Take this list: it reveals the secret formula to happiness during the Hobopocalypse! []

    Tags: Alcohol, Bernie Madoff, Great News/Bad News, Recession
  • Defending Bernie Madoff, Nothing Is Impossible with Religion

    Well, this certainly is an interesting way to open a column...

    Something tells me I won’t make any new friends (and might even lose some old ones) if I confess to harboring some admiration for Bernard Madoff.

    And to make things worse, I can’t muster much for Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, the pilot who safely landed a full commercial airliner in the Hudson River back in January.

    I have to say that Rabbi Avi Shafran has piqued my interest there. I'll bet you that he's going to go on to go on to make a complex and thought-provoking argument about the subtle shades of human morality…

    [Madoff's] crime, after all, was really remarkable only for its longevity and its scope. The Torah teaches that stealing is a sin, but it doesn’t differentiate between misappropriating a million dollars and pilfering a dime.

    Nope. I was wrong. Sorry to waste your time.

    (via Pharyngula)

    Tags: Bernie Madoff, Economy, Jewish, Money, Religion